演讲,我今天给大家带来的是一个笑话”用英语怎么说
演讲,我今天给大家带来的是一个笑话”的英文翻译
演讲,我今天给大家带来的是一个笑话”
ThespeechIbroughttoyoutodayisajoke."
重点词汇
演讲speech;lecture;makeaspeech;givealecture
今天today;now;present
大家everybody;all;greatmaster;authority
带来bring;brought;bringabout;produce;fetch
笑话joke;jest;jape
求英语课上用来演讲的笑话
分类:休闲/爱好>>幽默滑稽
问题描述:
2分钟左右，中英对照
解析:
Letmetakeitdown
Anelephantsaidtoamouse,"nodoubtthatyouarethe***allestzndmostuselessthingthatIhaveeverseen."
"Pless,sayitagain.Letmetakeitdown."themousesaid."IwilltellafleawhatIknow."
为我所用
一头大象对一只小老鼠说：“你无疑是我见过的最小、最没用的东西。”
“请再说一遍，让我把它记下来。”老鼠说。“我要讲给我认识的一只跳蚤听。
Anoldsoldieroftentoldhisgardenabouthispastwarexploits.
"OnceImetwithadozenenemysol-diersandtookthemprisonerssinglehand-ed."
"Itwashalfadozenenemysoldierswhenyoutoldmethestorylastyear.Butwhyhaveyouaddedsomanymorethistime?"
"Yousillylad.Youwereyoungerlastyear,andIwasafraidtofrightenyou."
Whilewisitingthecemetery,asorrowfulcouplenoticedaheadstone,whichread,"hereliesalawyerandahonestnan"."lookatthat",thewomansaid,"money'ssotightthey'reputtingthenoinagrave."
LawyerJokes:
Amanvisitingagraveyardsawatombstonethatread,"HereliesJohnKelly,alawyerandanhonestman.""Howaboutthat!"heexclaimed."They'vegotthreepeopleburiedinonegrave."
__________________________________
ThesearefromabookcalledDisorderintheCourt,andare
thingspeopleactuallysaidincourt,wordforword,takendownand
nowpublishedby
courtreporters-whohadthetormentofstayingcalmwhile
theseexchangeswereactuallytakingplace.
__________________________________
Q:Whatisyourdateofbirth?
A:July15th.
Q:Whatyear?
A:Everyyear.
Q:Howoldisyourson,theonelivingwithyou?
A:Thirty-eightorthirty-five,Ican'trememberwhich.
Q:Howlonghashelivedwithyou?
A:Forty-fiveyears.
_________________________________
Q:Whatwasthefirstthingyourhu***andsaidtoyouwhenhe
wokeupthatmorning?
A:Hesaid,"WhereamI,Cathy?"
Q:Andwhydidthatupsetyou?
A:MynameisSusan.
_________________________________
Q:Howwasyourfirstmarriageterminated?
A:Bydeath.
__________________________________
Q:Isyourappearanceherethismorningpursuanttoa
depositionnoticewhichIsenttoyourattorney?
A:No,thisishowIdresswhenIgotowork.
__________________________________
Q:Doctor,beforeyouperformedtheautopsy,didyoucheckfor
apulse?
A:No.
Q:Didyoucheckforbloodpressure?
A:No.
Q:Didyoucheckforbreathing?
A:No.
Q:So,thenitispossiblethatthepatientwasalivewhenyou
begantheautopsy?
A:No.
Q:Howcanyoubesosure,Doctor?
A:Becausehisbrainwassittingonmydeskinajar.
Q:Butcouldthepatienthavestillbeenalive,nevertheless?
A:Yes,itispossiblethathecouldhavebeenaliveandpracticinglaw.
A:Nicetomeetyou.
B:Nicetomeetyou,too.
C:Nicetomeetyou,three.
AnArtist
Anartistaskedthegalleryowneriftherehadbeenanyinterestinhispaintingsondisplayatthattime.
"Ihavegoodnewsandbadnews,"theownerreplied."Thegoodnewsisthatagentlemanenquiredaboutyourworkand
wonderedifitwouldappreciateinvalueafteryourdeath.WhenItoldhimitwould,heboughtall15ofyourpaintings."
"That'swonderful,"theartistexclaimed."What'sthebadnews?"
Anoldsoldieroftentoldhisgardenabouthispastwarexploits.
"OnceImetwithadozenenemysol-diersandtookthemprisonerssinglehand-ed."
"Itwashalfadozenenemysoldierswhenyoutoldmethestorylastyear.Butwhyhaveyouaddedsomanymorethistime?"
"Yousillylad.Youwereyoungerlastyear,andIwasafraidtofrightenyou
BUYINGAHAT
Aladywenttoahatshoptobuyahat.Asshewasveryfussy,ittookheralongtimetopickonone.Alreadyattheendofhispatiencethesale***anwasafraidthatshemightchangehermindagainsohetriedtoflatterher:"Anexcellentchoice,madam.Youlookatleasttenyearsyoungerwiththishaton!"Tohisdi***ay,theladytookoffherhatatonceandsaid:"Idon'twantahatthatmakesmelooktenyearsolderassoonasItakeitoff.Showmesomemorehats!"
I'MNOTHAVINGITALLCUTOFF.
Milessometimewenttothebarber'sduringworkinghourstohavehishaircut.Butthiswasagainsttheofficerules:clerkshadtohavetheirhaircutintheirowntime.WhileMileswasatthebarber'soneday,themanageroftheofficecameinbychancetohavehisownhaircutandsatjustbesidehim.
"Hello,Miles,"themanagersaid."Iseethatyouarehavingyourhaircutinofficetime."
"Yes,sir,Iam,"admittedMilescalmly."Yousee,sir,itgrowsinofficetime."
"Notallofit,"saidthemanageratonce."Someofitgrowsinyourowntime."
"Yes,sir,that'squitetrue."AnsweredMilespolitely,"butI'mnothavingitallcutoff."
Buttheteachercried
Thesix-year-oldJohnwasterriblyspoiled.Hisfatherknewit,buthisgrandmadotedonhim.Hehardlyleftherside.Andwhenhewantedanything,heeithercriedorthrewatempertantrum.Thencamehisfirstdayofschool,hisfirstdayawayfromhisgrandmother'slovingarms.
Whenhecamehomefromschoolhisgrandmamethimatthedoor.
"Wasschoolallright?"sheasked,"Didyougetalongallright?didyoucry?"
"Cry?"Johnasked."No,Ididn'tcry,buttheteacherdid!"
Thedifferencebeeenmenandwomen
Jockwasdrivingupasteep,narrow,tortuous,Scottishmountainroad.Awomanwasdrivingdownthesameroadintheoppositedirection.
Astheypasseachotherthewomanleantoutthewindowandshouted:"PIG!!"
Jockimmediatelyleantouthiswindowandrepliedwith"BITCH!!"
Theyeachcontinueontheirway,butasJockroundedthenextcornerheranintoapiginthemiddleoftheroad....
TheClock
HillaryClintondiedandwenttoheaven.AsshestoodinfrontofSt.PeteratthePearlyGatesshesawahugewallofclocksbehindhim.
Sheasked,"Whatareallthoseclocks?"
StPeteranswered,"ThoseareLie-Clocks.EveryoneonEarthhasaLie-Clock.Everytimeyouliethehandsonyourclockwillmove."
"Oh,"saidHillary,"whoseclockisthat?"
"That'sMotherTheresa's.Thehandshavenevermovedindicatingthatshenevertoldalie."
"Whoseclockisthat?""That'sAbrahamLincoln'sclock.ThehandshaveonlymovedicetellingusthatAbeonlytold2liesinhisentirelife."
"WhereisBill'sclock?"Hillaryasked.
"Bill'sclockisinJesus'office.Heisusingitasaceilingfan."
OneEngineLeft
A747washalfwayacrosstheAtlanticwhenthecaptaingotontheloudspeaker,"Attention,passengers.Wehavelostoneofourengines,butwecancertainlyreachLondonwiththethreewehaveleft.Unfortunately,wewillarriveanhourlateasaresult."
Shortlythereafter,thepassengersheardthecaptain'svoiceagain,"Guesswhat,folks.Wejustlostourthirdengine,butpleasebeassuredwecanflywithonlyone.WewillnowarriveinLondonthreehourslate."
Atthispoint,onepassengerbecamefurious."ForPete'ssake,"heshouted,"Ifweloseanotherengine,we'llbeuphereallnight!"
InthemorningMr.Smithesintothegardenatthebackofhishouse.Heseesmuchsnow(雪)inthegarden.Mr.Smithwantstotakehiscarout,soheasksamantocleantheroadfromhisgarage(车库)tothegate(大门).Hesaystotheman,”Don'tthrowanysnowonthatside.Itwilldamage(损坏)flowersinthestreet,orthepolicemanwille.”Thenhegoesout.
Whenheesback,theroadisclean.Thereisnosnowontheflowers,onthewallorinthestreet.Butwhenheopenthegarage,heseesthegarageisfullofsnow(被雪充满),thesnowfromtheroad,andhiscarisunderthesnow!
AbeautifulyoungblondewomanboardsaplanetoLAwithaticketforthecoachsection.Shelooksattheseatsincoachandthenlooksaheadtothefirstclassseats.Seeingthatthefirstclassseatsappeartobemuchlargerandmorefortable,shemovesforwardtothelastemptyone.Theflightattendantchecksherticketandtellsthewomanthatherseatisincoach.
Theblondereplies,"I'myoung,blondeandbeautiful,andI'mgoingtosithereallthewaytoLA."
Flustered,theflightattendantgoestothecockpitandinformsthecaptainoftheblondeproblem.Thecaptaingoesbackandtellsthewomanthatherassignedseatisincoach.
Again,theblondereplies,"I'myoung,blondeandbeautiful,andI'mgoingtosithereallthewaytoLA."
Thecaptaindoesn'twanttocauseamotion,andsoreturnstothecockpittodiscusstheblondewiththeco-pilot.Theco-pilotsaysthathehasablondegirlfriend,andthathecantakecareoftheproblem.Hethengoesbackandbrieflywhisperssomethingintotheblonde'sear.
Sheimmediatelygetsup,says,"Thankyousomuch,"hugstheco-pilot,andrushesbacktoherseatinthecoachsection.Thepilotandflightattendant,whowerewatchingwithraptattention,togetherasktheco-pilotwhathehadsaidtothewoman.
Hereplies,"Ijusttoldherthatthefirstclasssectionisn'tgoingtoLA."
英语幽默笑话：
一：SheDidn"tSayAnything
AmotherandsonwerewashingdisheswhilethefatheranddaughterwerewatchingTVintheroom.Suddenly,therewasacrashofbreakingdishes,thenpletesilence.
Thegirllookedatherfatherandsaid,“ItwasMom”。
“Howdoyouknow?”askedherfather.
“Shedidn"tsayanything.”
二：IHaveTurnedItOver
Awomansaidtoherhu***and,“dear,lookatoursheet!It"stoodirty.Wouldyouliketowashitnow?”
Themanlookedatthesheetandthenthoughtforawhileandthensaid,“Idon"tthinkit"snecessary.Wecanturnthesheetover.Isthatallright?”
三、40overLilotusheartdiseasearisessuddenly,isescortedtothehospitalfirstaid.Theconditionextremelytoobad,theLilotusfeltoneselfnearlyallalreadydied.
Intherescue,theLilotushasheardGod'ssoundsuddenly:"Youcannotdie,youalsomaylivefor45years6months02days,hasthecouragetogoonliving!"
Certainly,theresultwastheLilotusmiracleisrevived.Afterthebodyrecovers,theLilotusthoughtoneselfalsocanliveformorethan40years,then□hasanxiouslyisleavingthehospital,firstrepairstheface,thenmakesupthelip,thenistheprosperouschest,finallyisthethinabdomen,continuouslyhasundergone4co***etologysurgeriesaltogether,thenwascalledthespecializedhairstylisttovisittheservice,changedhassentthecolor,hasmadethenewtidehairstyle,theentirestaturelookedat□theyoungseveralyearsold.
Afterlastthereshapingsurgerypletes,theLilotusthenhappilyhandledleftthehospitaltheprocedure,□thoughtactuallytheambulancewhichrapidly驶过by撞死intheentrance.
Aftertheheaven,theLilotushasbeenangryinterrogatesGod:"SinceyouhadsaidIalsomaylivefor45years,thenyoushouldnoteattheword."
Godawkwardly耸了耸肩,replies:"Reallyissorry,atthattime,thevehiclehitwhenyou......Ihavenotrecognizedamyou."
英语笑话这里面有的，可以看看：
sxuu/loveu/Article/english/yyxx/200508/22000
英语幽默
双关歇后语：）~
sxszjzx/~t207/wht_2
Teacher:Whyareyoulateforschooleverymorning?
Tom:EverytimeIetothecorner,asignsays,"School-Goslow".
老师:为什么你每天早晨都迟到?
汤姆:每当我经过学校的拐角处,僦看见一个牌子仩写着"学校----慢行".
DoYouKnowMyWork？
Onenightahotelcaughtfire，andthepeoplewhowerestayinginitranoutintheirnightclothes．
Twomenstoodoutsideandlookedatthefire．
“BeforeIcameout，”saidone，“Iranintosomeoftheroomsandfoundalotofmoney．Peopledon'tthinkofmoneywhenthey'reafraid．Whenanyoneleavespapermoneyinafire，thefireburnsit．SoItookallthebillsthatIcouldfind．NoonewillbepoorerbecauseItookthem．”
“Youdon'tknowmywork，”saidtheother．
“Whatisyourwork？”
“I'mapoliceman．
“Oh！”criedthefirstman．Hethoughtquicklyandsaid，“Anddoyouknowmywork？”“No，”saidthepoliceman．
“I'mawriter．I'malwaystellingstoriesaboutthingsthatneverhappened．”
译文：（自己简单翻译）
你知道我是干什么的吗？
一天晚上，一家旅馆失火，住在这家旅馆里的人穿着睡衣就跑了出来。
两个人站在外面，看着大火。
“在我出来之前，”其中一个说：“我跑进一些房间，找到了一大笔钱。人在恐惧中是不会想到钱的。如果有人把纸币留在火里，火就会把它烧成灰烬。所以我把我所能找到的钞票都拿走了。没有人会因为我拿走它们而变得更穷。”
“你不知道我是干什么的。”另一个说。
“你是干什么的？”
“我是警察。”
“噢！”第一个人喊了一声。他灵机一动，说：“那你知道我是干什么的？”“不知道。”警察说。
“我是个作家。我总是爱编一些从未发生过的故事。”
Whoisthelaziest
Father:Well,Jack,Italkedwithyourteachertoday.AndnowIwanttoaskyouaquestion,Whoisthelaziestpersoninyourclass?
Jack:Idon`tknow,father.
Father:Oh,think!Whenotherboysandgirlsarereadingandwirting,whositsquietlyandonlywatchhowotherpeopleword?
Jack:Ourteacher,father.
更多的请点击参考资料链接。
谢谢！
...大家演讲,我今天给大家带来的是一个笑话”用英语怎么说
helloeveryone，it'sallmypleasuretogivealecturetoyouall,todayI'vepreparedajokeforyouall
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