幽默风趣的英语小故事【十篇】
【#能力训练#导语】大多数小朋友都喜欢听故事，如果是英语故事的话，不但可以在听故事的同时学习英语知识。下面是分享的幽默风趣的英语小故事【十篇】。欢迎阅读参考！
1.幽默风趣的英语小故事篇一
ThemiserandhisgoldOnceuponatimetherewasamiser。Hehidhisgoldunderatree。Everyweekheusedtodigitup。
Onenightarobberstoleallthegold。Whenthemisercameagain，hefoundnothingbutanemptyhole。
Hewassurprised，andthenburstintotears。Alltheneighborsgatheredaroundhim。
Hetoldthemhowheusedtoeandvisithisgold。
"Didyouevertakeanyofitout?"askedoneofthem。"No，"hesaid，"Ionlycametolookatit。""Theneagainandlookatthehole，"saidtheneighbor，"itwillbethesameaslookingatthegold。"
守财奴
从前，有个守财奴将他的金块埋到一棵树下，每周他都去把他挖出来看看。
一天晚上，一个小偷挖走了所有的金块。守财奴再来查看时，发现除了一个空洞什么都没有了。
守财奴便捶胸痛哭。哭声引来了邻居他告诉他们那里原先有他的金块。
问明了原因后，一个邻居问：“你使用过这些金块吗?”“没用过，”他说，“我只是时常来看看。”“那么，以后再来看这个洞，”邻居说，“就像以前有金块时一样。”
2.幽默风趣的英语小故事篇二
batfallinguponthegroundwascaughtbyaweasel,ofwhomheearnestlybesoughthislife.theweaselrefused,saying,thathewasbynaturetheenemyofallbirds.thebatassuredhimthathewasnotabird,butamouse,andthussavedhislife.
shortlyafterwardsthebatagainfellontheground,andwascarghtbyanotherweasel,whomhelikewiseentreatednottoeathim.theweaselsaidthathehadaspecialhostilitytomice.thebatassuredhimthathewasnotamouse,butabat;andthusasecondtimeescaped.itiswisetoturncircumstancestogoodaccount.
一只蝙蝠坠落到地面上来，被一只鼠狼捉住了，蝙蝠哀求讨饶。鼠狼不答应，说它自己最爱和鸟类为敌。蝙蝠便证明它自己不是鸟，只是一只老鼠，因此鼠狼就放了它。
不久这只蝙蝠又坠落到地上来，被另一只鼠狼捉住，它同样地哀求讨饶。那鼠狼说它自己最恨老鼠，蝙蝠证明自己并不是老鼠，而是一只蝙蝠;因此，它第二次又安然地逃离危险了。随机应变乃聪明之举。
3.幽默风趣的英语小故事篇三
ARAVENsawaSwananddesiredtosecureforhimselfthesamebeautifulplumage.SupposingthattheSwan'ssplendidwhitecolorarosefromhiswashinginthewaterinwhichheswam,theRavenleftthealtarsintheneighborhoodwherehepickeduphisliving,andtookupresidenceinthelakesandpools.
Butcleansinghisfeathersasoftenashewould,hecouldnotchangetheircolor,whilethroughwantoffoodheperished.
乌鸦非常羡慕天鹅洁白的羽毛。
他猜想天鹅一定是经常洗澡，羽毛才变得如此洁白无瑕。于是，他毅然离开了他赖以生存的祭坛，来到江湖边。
他天天洗刷自己的羽毛，不但一点都没洗白，反而因缺少食物饥饿而死。
4.幽默风趣的英语小故事篇四
Mikeisalittleboy.Heisonlyfiveyearsold.Heistoosmalltogotoschool.Sohecannotreadandwrite.
Onedayhestoodatmydeskwithapencilinhishand.Therewasabigpieceofpaperonthedesk.Hewantedtodrawapictureofhimself.Hedrewlinesandclearedthemout,thendrewmoreandclearedthemoutagain.WhenIlookedatthepicture,hewasn'thappy."Well,"hesaidatlasttome,"I'llputatailonitandmakeitamonkey."
Hebegantoaddthetail.Ibegantolaugh.
翻译
迈克是一个小男孩,他只有5岁。他太小还没有上学,因此也不会读和写。
一天,他手里拿着一支铅笔站在我的桌子前。桌子上放着一张大纸,他要画自画像。他画了几笔就擦掉了,再画几笔,有擦掉了。当我看一幅画时,他很不高兴。"好吧,"他最后和我说,"我就再加一条尾巴,把他画成一只猴子吧!"
他开始加上小尾巴,我大笑起来。
5.幽默风趣的英语小故事篇五
Therewasasturdyramwithapairofthickhornsuprightonitshead.
Itstruttedaboutproudlyandsawafencebuiltwithbambooandwoodinfront,whichblockeditsway.Itcastasidelongglanceatthefence,lowereditsneckandlungedatthefence,hopingtoknockitdown.Thefenceremainedintactbuttheraminjureditsownhorns.
Ifithadnotinjureditshorns,theramwouldhavepersistedobstinatelyinbuttingagainstthefence,evenagainstthespokesofawheeluntilitbledwithafracturedskull.
Asaresult,withitshornscaughtinthefence,theramcouldneitheradvancenorretreatbutbleathelplessly.
一头长得非常雄壮的公羊的头上，挺立着一对粗大的犄角。
公羊骄傲地踱着步，看见前面有一道竹木编成的篱笆挡住了它的去路。公羊斜着眼睛看看，便弯下脖子呼的一声撞上去，想把篱笆撞倒。结果篱笆纹丝不动，它反把自己的犄角碰伤了。
假如公羊没有碰伤犄角的话，那么它还会一个劲儿地撞下去，甚至向车轮的辐条上撞去，直到头破血流为止。
结果呢?公羊的犄角被篱笆夹住，进也不得，退也不得，只能“咩咩”不停地叫唤。
6.幽默风趣的英语小故事篇六
MakingHisMark
AmanfromthestateofChuwastakingaboatacrossariverwhenhedroppedhisswordintothewatercarelessly.Immediatelyhemadeamarkonthesideoftheboatwherethesworddropped,hopingtofinditlater.Whentheboatstoppedmoving,hewentintothewatertosearchforhisswordattheplacewherehehadmarkedtheboat.Asweknow,theboathadmovedbuttheswordhadnot.Isntthisaveryfoolishwaytolookforasword?
楚国有个人坐船渡江时，他不小心把自己的一把宝剑掉落江中。他马上掏出一把小刀，在宝剑落水的船舷上刻上一个记号。船靠岸后，那楚人立即从船上刻记号的地方跳下水去捞取掉落的宝剑。他怎么找得到宝剑呢?船继续行驶，而宝剑却不会再移动。像他这样去找剑，真是太愚蠢可笑了。
7.幽默风趣的英语小故事篇七
Alittlerabbitispickingmushroomsinaforest.Awolfiscoming.Heisveryhungry.“Oh,alittlerabbit!Thisismyfavouritefood!”
一只小兔子正在森林里采蘑菇，一只狼来了，他很饿。“哦，一只小兔子!这是我最喜欢的食物!”
Therabbitseesthewolf,butsheisnotafraid.Shepretendstobepoisonedbythemushrooms.Thewolfthinks,“IfIeather,Iwillbepoisoned,too.”Sohegoesaway.
小兔子看见了狼，但是她并不害怕。她假装吃蘑菇中毒了。狼想到:“如果我吃了她，我也会中毒的。”所以他走开了。
Thentherabbitisveryhappy.Shegoesonpickingthemushrooms.
小兔子非常高兴，她继续去采蘑菇。
8.幽默风趣的英语小故事篇八
Wolfandegret
Thewolfmistakeswallowedapieceofbone，verysuffered，runningabout，lookfortovisitthedoctoreverywhere。Hemettheegret，andtalktosettletheservicefeestoinvitehimtotakeoutthebone，egrettostretchinthewolf'sthroattheownhead，andthe叼outsbone，thentowardtosettlethegoodservicefeeswolfThewolfanswersays:"hello，friend，youcansincethewolf嘴takebacktheheadinthepeaceground，andthedifficultwayreturnthedissatisfiedfoot，andhowandstillspeaktheguerdon?"
Thisstoryelucidation，guerdonbadlypersonactcharitably，andisabadpersonofcognitionanddoesnotspeakthereputation'sinnatecharacter。
狼与鹭鸶
狼误吞下了一块骨头，十分难受，四处奔走，寻访医生。他遇见了鹭鸶，谈定酬金请他取出骨头，鹭鸶把自我的头伸进狼的喉咙里，叼出了骨头，便向狼要定好的酬金。狼回答说：“喂，朋友，你能从狼嘴里平安无事地收回头来，难道还不满足，怎样还要讲报酬？”
这故事说明，对坏人行善的报酬，就是认识坏人不讲信用的本质。
9.幽默风趣的英语小故事篇九
StandingontheroofofasmallgoatandtheWolf
KidstandingontheroofandsawtheWolfwalkedthroughthebottomandthenabusehim,andlaughedathim.TheWolfsaid,"oh,buddy,scoldmeisnotyou,butyourterrain."
Thisstorytoillustrate,diliandcatoftengiveapersonthecouragetofightagainstthestrong.
翻译：站在屋顶的小山羊与狼
小山羊站在屋顶上，看见狼从底下走过，便谩骂他，嘲笑他。狼说道：“啊，伙计，骂我的不是你，而是你所处的地势。”
这故事说明，地利与天机常常给人勇气去与强者抗争。
10.幽默风趣的英语小故事篇十
TheCrowandThePitcher
Acrowfeltverythirsty.Helookedforwatereverywhere.Finally,hefoundapitcher.
Buttherewasnotalotofwaterinthepitcher.Hisbeakcouldnotreachit.Hetriedagainandagain,butstillcouldnottouchthewater.
Whenhewasabouttogiveup,anideacametohim.Hetookapebbleanddroppeditintothepitcher.
Thenhetookanotheranddroppeditin.
Gradually,thewaterrose,andthecrowwasabletodrinkthewater.
口渴的乌鸦
一只乌鸦口渴了，到处找水喝。终于，他找到了一个大水罐。
然而，水罐里面的水并不多，他的尖嘴够不到水面，他试了一次又一次，都没有成功。
就在他想放弃的时候，他突然想到一个主意。乌鸦叼来了一块小石子投到水罐里，接着又叼了一块又一块石头放进去。
渐渐地，水面升高了。乌鸦高兴地喝到了水。
寓意：有些东西虽然看起来微不足道，但如果积少成多，便会带来很大变化。
英语幽默小故事10篇(带翻译)
1.MidwayTacticsThreepetingstoreownersrentedadjoiningshopsinamall.Observerswaitedformayhemtoensue.Theretailerontherightputuphugesignssaying,"GiganticSale!"and"SuperBargains!"Thestoreontheleftraisedbiggersignsproclaiming,"PricesSlashed!"and"FantasticDiscounts!"Theownerinthemiddlethenpreparedalargesignthatsimplystated,"ENTRANCE".中间战术三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：“大减价!”“特便宜!”左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：“大砍价!”“大折扣!”中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：“入口处”。2.VeryPleasedtoMeetYouDuringWorldWarII,alotofyoungwomeninBritainwereinthearmy.JoanPhillipswasoneofthem.Sheworkedinabigcamp,andofcoursemetalotofmen,officersandsoldiers.OneeveningshemetCaptainHumphreysatadance.Hesaidtoher,"I“mgoingabroadtomorrow,butI“dbeveryhappyifwecouldwritetoeachother."Joanagreed,andtheywroteforseveralmonths.Thenhislettersstopped,butshereceivedonefromanotherofficer,tellingherthathehadbeenwoundedandwasinacertainarmyhospitalinEngland.Joanwentthereandsaidtothematron,"I“veetovisitCaptainHumphreys.""Onlyrelativesareallowedtovisitpatientshere,"thematronsaid."Oh,that“sallright,"answeredJoan."I“mhissister.""I“mverypleasedtomeetyou,"thematronsaid,"I“mhismother!"在第二次世界大战中，有许多年轻的妇女在军营中服役。琼.飞利浦斯是其中之一。她在一个大军营中工作，当然遇到了许多男士，包括军官和士兵。一天晚上她在舞会上遇到了军官汉弗雷斯。他对她说，"我明天就要出国，但如果我们能够相互写信，我会很高兴。"琼同意了，于是他们几个月里一直通着信。后来，他再没有来信。她收到了另一个军官的信，告诉她，他受伤了，住在英格兰的某个部队医院里。琼到了医院，她对护士长说，"我来看望军官汉弗雷斯。""这里只有亲属可以探望病人。"护士长说。"噢，是的，"琼说，"我是他的妹妹。""很高兴认识你，"护士长说，"我是他的母亲。"希望能帮助到您，望采纳！MidwayTacticsThreepetingstoreownersrentedadjoiningshopsinamall.Observerswaitedformayhemtoensue.Theretailerontherightputuphugesignssaying,"GiganticSale!"and"SuperBargains!"Thestoreontheleftraisedbiggersignsproclaiming,"PricesSlashed!"and"FantasticDiscounts!"Theownerinthemiddlethenpreparedalargesignthatsimplystated,"ENTRANCE".中间战术三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：“大减价!”“特便宜!”左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：“大砍价!”“大折扣!”中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：“入口处”。VeryPleasedtoMeetYouDuringWorldWarII,alotofyoungwomeninBritainwereinthearmy.JoanPhillipswasoneofthem.Sheworkedinabigcamp,andofcoursemetalotofmen,officersandsoldiers.OneeveningshemetCaptainHumphreysatadance.Hesaidtoher,"I‘mgoingabroadtomorrow,butI‘dbeveryhappyifwecouldwritetoeachother."Joanagreed,andtheywroteforseveralmonths.Thenhislettersstopped,butshereceivedonefromanotherofficer,tellingherthathehadbeenwoundedandwasinacertainarmyhospitalinEngland.Joanwentthereandsaidtothematron,"I‘veetovisitCaptainHumphreys.""Onlyrelativesareallowedtovisitpatientshere,"thematronsaid."Oh,that‘sallright,"answeredJoan."I‘mhissister.""I‘mverypleasedtomeetyou,"thematronsaid,"I‘mhismother!"在第二次世界大战中，有许多年轻的妇女在军营中服役。琼.飞利浦斯是其中之一。她在一个大军营中工作，当然遇到了许多男士，包括军官和士兵。一天晚上她在舞会上遇到了军官汉弗雷斯。他对她说，“我明天就要出国，但如果我们能够相互写信，我会很高兴。”琼同意了，于是他们几个月里一直通着信。后来，他再没有来信。她收到了另一个军官的信，告诉她，他受伤了，住在英格兰的某个部队医院里。琼到了医院，她对护士长说，“我来看望军官汉弗雷斯。”“这里只有亲属可以探望病人。”护士长说。“噢，是的，”琼说，“我是他的妹妹。”“很高兴认识你，”护士长说，“我是他的母亲。”TwoSoldiersTwosoldierswereincamp.Thefirstone‘snamewasGee,andthesecondone‘snamewasBill.Geesaid,"haveyougotapieceofpaperandanenvelope,Bill?"Billsaid,"Yes,Ihave,"andhegavethemtohim.ThenGeesaid,"NowIhaven‘tgotapen."Billgavehimhis,andGeewrotehisletter.Thenheputitintheenvelopeandsaid,"haveyougotastamp,Bill?"Billgavehimone.ThenBillgotupandwenttothedoor,soGeesaidtohim,"Areyougoingout?"BillSaid,"Yes,Iam,"andheopenedthedoor.Geesaid,"Pleaseputmyletterintheboxintheoffice,and..."Hestopped."Whatdoyouwantnow?"Billsaidtohim.Geelookedattheenvelopeofhisletterandanswered,"What‘syourgirl-friend‘saddress?"军营里有二名士兵，一个叫乔治，一个叫比尔。乔治问：“比尔，你有信纸、信封吗?”比尔说：“有。”然后把信纸和信封给了乔治。乔治又说：“我还没有笔呢。”比尔又把自己的笔给了他。乔治开始写信。写完后把信放进信封里，又问：“比尔，你有邮票吗?”比尔给了他一张。这时比尔站起来，向门口走去。乔治问：“你要出去吗?”比尔说：“是的。”随即打开了门。乔治说：“请帮我把这封信投进办公室的信箱里，还有...”他停住了。“你还要什么?”比尔问。乔治看着信封说：“你女朋友的地址是-?”FiveMonthsOlderTheSecondWorldWarhadbegun,andJohnwantedtojointhearmy,buthewasonly16yearsold,andboyswereallowedtojoinonlyiftheywereover18.Sowhenthearmydoctorexaminedhim,hesaidthathewas18.ButJohn‘sbrotherhadjoinedthearmyafewdaysbefore,andthesamedoctorhadexaminedhimtoo.Thisdoctorrememberedtheolderboy‘sfamilyname,sowhenhesawJohn‘spapers,hewassurprised."Howoldareyou?"hesaid."Eighteen,sir,"saidJohn."Butyourbrotherwaseighteen,too,"saidthedoctor."Areyouins?""Oh,no,sir,"saidJohn,andhisfacewentred."MybrotherisfivemonthsolderthanIam."大五个月第二次世界大战开始了，约翰想参军，可他只有十六岁，当时规定男孩到十八岁才能入伍。所以军医给他进行体检时，他说他已经十八岁了。可约翰的哥哥刚入伍没几天，而且也是这个军医给他做的检查。这位医生还记得他哥哥的姓。所以当他看到约翰的表格时，感到非常惊奇。“你多大了?”军医问。“十八，长官。”约翰说。“可你的哥哥也是十八岁，你们是双胞胎吗?”约翰脸红了，说：“哦，不是，长官，我哥哥比我大五个月。”WestPointMyfather,brotherandIvisitedWestPointtoseeafootballgamebeeenArmyandBostonCollege.Takingastrollbeforekickoff,wemetmanycadetsinneatlypresseduniforms.Severalvistingfansaskedtherecruitsiftheywouldposeforphotographs,"toshowoursonwhattoexpectifheshouldattendWestPoint."Onemiddle-agedcoupleapproachedaveryattractivefemalecadetandaskedhertoposeforapicture.Theyexplained,"WewanttoshowoursonwhathemissedbynotingtoWestPoint."父亲、哥哥和我到西点军校去观看一场陆军与波士顿大学之间的橄榄球赛。开始之前，我们到处转了转，碰到许多穿着整齐制服的学员。几名游客问新兵是否愿意摆出军姿来让他们摄。“好让我们的儿子知道，如果他到西点军校来学习会得到什么。”一对中年夫妇走近一名非常漂亮的女学员，问她是否愿意摆个姿势照相。他们解释说：“我们想让儿子知道他没来西点军校错过了什么。”(6)PresentforGirlfriendAtajewelrystore,ayoungmanboughtanexpensivelocketasapresentforhisgirlfriend."ShallIengravehernameonit?"thejewelerasked.Thecustomerthoughtforamoment,andthensaid,"No-engraveit‘Tomyoneandonlylove‘.Thatway,ifweeverbreakup,Icanuseitagain."送给女友的礼物在一家珠宝店里，一位年轻人买了一个贵重的小金盒作为送给女友的礼物。“要我把她的名字刻在上面吗?”珠宝商问道。那名顾客想了一会儿，然后说道：“不--在上面刻‘给我唯一的爱’。这样，如果我们闹崩了，我还可以再用到它。”BeCarefulWhatYouWishForAcouplehadbeenmarriedfor25yearsandwerecelebratingtheir60thbirthdays,whichfellonthesameday.Duringthecelebrationafairyappearedandsaidthatbecausetheyhadbeensuchalovingcoupleforall25years,shewouldgivethemonewisheach.Thewifewantedtotravelaroundtheworld.Thefairywavedherhand,andBoom!Shehadtheticketsinherhand.Next,itwasthehu***and‘sturn.Hepausedforamoment,thensaidshyly,"Well,I‘dliketohaveawoman30yearsyoungerthanme."Thefairypickedupherwand,andBoom!Hewasniy.慎重许愿一对结婚25周年的夫妻在庆祝他们六十岁的生日。他们恰好在同一天出生。庆祝活动中，一位仙女出现了。她说，由于他们是已经结婚25年的恩爱夫妻，因此她给许给这对夫妻每个人一个愿望。妻子想周游世界。仙女招了招手。“呯!”的一声，她的手中出现了一张票。接下来该丈夫许愿了。他犹豫片刻，害羞地说，“那我想要一位比我年轻30岁的女人。”仙女拾起了魔术棒。“呯!”，他变成了90岁。WoodFireOnewomanlecturedherbestfriendonthenatureofthemaleanimal."Hu***andsarelikewoodfires;theygooutifleftunattened.""Doesthatmean,"askedtheother,"thattheymakeashesofthemselves?"森林之火一名妇女向她最好的朋友大谈雄性动物的特性：“丈夫们就像是森林里的火，一不注意，他们就会燃烧起来。”“那是不是意味着，”另一个问道，“他们将自己烧成灰烬?”智课有英汉双翻译的文章
10个英语幽默故事
下面是我整理的10个经典英语幽默故事，欢迎大家阅读!
英语幽默故事1.
WhenIcheckedontoahotelinmylastvisittotheU.S.A.,thereceptionistsaid:“Doyouwantaroomwithashowerorabath?”
Thinkingofthemoney,Iasked,“What’sthedifference?”
“Well,“hesaid,“withashower,youhavetostandup.”
英语幽默故事2.
Ayoungmancamehomefromworkandfoundhisbrideupset.“Ifeelterrible,”shesaid.“IwaspressingyoursuitandIburnedabigholeintheseamofyourtrousers.”
“Forgetit,”consoledherhusband.“”RememberthatI’vegotanextrapairofpantsforthatsuit.”
“Yes,”saidthewoman,cheeringup.“Andit’sluckyyouhave.Iusedthemtopatchthehole.
英语幽默故事3.
Thenewbanktellerwasgivenapackageofdollarbillswiththeinstructiontocountthemandseeiftherewereahundred.Hecounteduptofifty-eightandthenthrewthebundledown.
“Whydidyoustop?”askedthebankmanager
”Ifit’srightthisfar,saidtheteller,“It’sprobablyrightalltheway.”
英语幽默故事4.
Landlady:Aninventoroncehadthisroom.Heinventedanexplosive.
NewLodger:Oh,Isupposethosespotsontheceilingaretheexplosives.
L:No,that’stheinventor.
英语幽默故事5.
Plumber:I’msorryI’mlate,butIjustcouldn’tgethereanysooner.
M:Well,notime’sbeenwasted.Whilewewerewaitingforyou,Itaughtmywifehowtoswim.
英语幽默故事6.
M:Therearetwoslicesofpieinthecupboardthismorningandnowthere’sonlyone.Canyouexplainthat?
S:Itwassodark,Ididn’tseetheotherslice.
英语幽默故事7.
Inanentranceexaminationofaconservatoryofmusic,theteacheraskedoneoftheboys,“Whatisthemostimportantphysiologicalqualityofamusician?”
“Tobedeaf,”repliedtheboy.”
“Nonsense!”saidtheteacherangrily.
“Why,sir!Don’tyouknowthatthemostfamousmusicianBeethovenwasdeaf?”theboyaskedinreplydisdainfully.
英语幽默故事8.
Anewspaperboywassellingnewspapersinthestreet.Hekeptshoutingatthetopofhisvoice:“Readallaboutit!Abigswindlingcase!Eighty-twopersonswereswindled!”Hiscuriosityaroused,amanwentoverandboughtacopy.Hesearchedthroughitandcouldn’tfindanythingabouttheswindlingcase.Thenheheardthenewspaperboyshout:“Readallaboutit!Abigswindlingcase!Eighty-threepersonswereswindled!”
英语幽默故事9.
Five-year-oldTommyisfascinatedbyplanes,andrushedoutsideeverytimehehearsonetowatchituntilitbecomesaspeckinthedistance.Sowhenhefinallyhadthechancetoflyforthefirsttime,heispop-eyedwithexcitement.Abouttenminutesaftertake-off,heasksexpectantly,“Whendowestarttogetsmaller,Mummy?”
英语幽默故事10.
Amanwastoldbyhisphysicianthathehadonlysixmonthstolive.“Doc,”hesaid,“isthereanythingIcando?”
“Yes,”repliedthedoctor.“First,giveallyourpossessionstothepoor.Next,movetoacold-watershackinthebackwoods.Andthenmarryawomanwithnineyoungchildren.”
“Willthisgivememoretime?”
“No--butit’llbethelongestsixmonthsinyourlife!”