英文的“国庆节快乐”怎么说 英文笑话10个,谢了重赏
HappyNationalDay!国庆节快乐!
1
AmanistalkingtoGod.
Theman:"God,howlongisamillionyears?"
God:"Tome,it'saboutaminute."
Theman:"God,howmuchisamilliondollars?"
God:"Tomeit'sapenny."
Theman:"God,mayIhaveapenny?"
God:"Waitaminute."
2
Fredis32yearsoldandheisstillsingle.
Onedayafriendasked,"Whyaren'tyoumarried?Can'tyoufindawomanwhowillbeagoodwife?"
Fredreplied,"Actually,I'vefoundmanywomenIwantedtomarry,butwhenIbringthemhometomeetmyparents,mymotherdoesn'tlikethem."
Hisfriendthinksforamomentandsays,"I'vegottheperfectsolution,justfindagirlwho'sjustlikeyourmother."
Afewmonthslatertheymeetagainandhisfriendsays,"Didyoufindtheperfectgirl?Didyourmotherlikeher?"
Withafrownonhisface,Fredanswers,"Yes,Ifoundtheperfectgirl.Shewasjustlikemymother.Youwereright,mymotherlikedherverymuch."
Thefriendsaid,"Thenwhat'stheproblem?"
Fredreplied,"Myfatherdoesn'tlikeher."
3
Twofactoryworkersaretalking.
Thewomansays,"Icanmakethebossgivemethedayoff."
Themanreplies,"Andhowwouldyoudothat?"
Thewomansays,"Justwaitandsee."Shethenhangsupside-downfromtheceiling.
Thebosscomesinandsays,"Whatareyoudoing?"
Thewomanreplies,"I'malightbulb."
Thebossthensays,"You'vebeenworkingsomuchthatyou'vegonecrazy.Ithinkyouneedtotakethedayoff."
Themanstartstofollowherandthebosssays,"Whereareyougoing?"
Themansays,"I'mgoinghome,too.Ican'tworkinthedark."
4
Twocowsarestandinginafield.
Onesaystotheother"AreyouworriedaboutMadCowDisease?"
Theotheronesays"No,Itdoesn'tworryme,I'mahorse!"
5
Putyourfeetin
Theschoolgirlwassittingwithherfeetstrechedfaroutintotheaisle,andwasbusilychewinggum,whentheteacherespiedher."Mary!"calledtheteachersharply."Yes,Madam?"questionedthepupil,"Takethatgumoutofyourmouthandputyourfeetin!"
把脚放进去
一个女学生坐在座位上，嘴里起劲地嚼着口香糖，脚却伸到课桌间的走道里，被老师发现了。“玛丽！”老师严厉地叫她。“什么事，老师？”这女学生问。“把口香糖从嘴里拿出来，把脚放进去。”
6
He'sjustBeentotheZoo
WhenIwaswaittinginlineatthebank,Inoticedawomanholdingasmallchildatoneofthewindows.Theboywaseatingaroll,whichhethrustattheteller.Thetellersmiledandshookhishead.
"No,no,dear,"saidtheboy'smom.andthen,turnningtotheteller,"Ibegyourpardon,youngman.Pleaseforgivemyson.He'sjustbeentothezoo."
他刚去过动物园
当我在银行里排队时，发现一位妇女抱着一个小孩站在一个窗口。男孩正在吃一个面包卷，并将面包卷戳向出纳员，出纳员笑着摇了摇头。
“别这样，亲爱的，”男孩的妈妈说。然后她转向出纳员说，“对不起，小伙子。请原谅我的儿子，他刚去过动物园。”
7
Playitornot
Dad:Bob,it'stimetoplaypiano.Whenyou'refinished,I'llgiveyouonedollarforanicecream.
Bob:ButalltheneighborssaidtheywouldgivemefivedollarsifIdon'tplayit.
弹还是不弹
爸爸：鲍勃，到弹钢琴的时候了。当你弹完的时候，我将给你一美元去买冰淇淋。
鲍勃：但是所有的邻居说如果我不弹钢琴的话他们会给我5美元。
8
Writingacomposition
Onedayinclass,theteacherassignedhisstudentstowriteacomposition<IfIamamanager>
Allthestudentsbegantowriteexceptaboy.Theteacherwenttohimandaskedthereason.
"I'mwaitingformysecretary."wastheboy'sanswer.
写作文
一天课上，老师要同学们以《如果我是一个经理》为题目西一篇作文。所有的同学都在动笔写了，只有一个男孩例外。老师走过去问他为什么不写。
“我在等我的秘书。”那男孩答道。
10
NASAplansonsmashingtwoprobesintothemoonsouthpolarregioninhopesofrevealinghiddenice。hopefullytheywon'thittheweakestpointandcrackthemooninhalf。
NASA（美国宇航局）打算在月球的南极地区打入两个探测器，希望能够发现一些未被探测到的冰块。
希望他们没有刚好击中月球最薄弱的地方，然后把月球打成两半。
11
Onthewaytotheofficethismorning,Irear-endedacar.SomehowIknewitwasgoingtobeabadday.Thedrivergotoutoftheothercar,andhewasadwarf.Helookedathisdentedcarandthenlookedupatmeandsaid
"Iamnothappy"
Isaid,"Well,whichoneareyouthen?????"
Andthat'showthefightstarted...
Joke点在于：
被追尾的车主很郁闷地说，Iamnothappy。
事主却很无厘头地反问，Whichoneareyouthen???(好吧，既然你不是happy，那么你是哪一个？）
国庆节英语手抄报内容。
Bestwishstomycountry.致以我的祖国美好的祝福。
Ilovemycountrydeep.我深深地爱着我的祖国。
Strongandbeatifulcountrylikeflowers.像鲜花一样美丽的祖国。
AtramendousdragonineastofAsia.东方升起的巨龙。
Yelloriver,theChangjiangriver,thegreatwallmakealongterritory.
黄河，长江，长城铸就了伟大的江山。
Innovation,openinganddevelopmentilluminetheeyeoftheword.
改革，开放和发展点亮了世界的眼睛。
Sunofdrawwhichismycontry.我的祖国是黎明的太阳。
MycountryBassinetofeastculture.祖国东方文明的摇篮。
Iloveyoumymom.我爱你，我的妈妈。
Iampeople'sson,Ilovemycountryandpeople.
我是人民的儿子，我深爱着我的祖国和人民。
Themotherlandintheeverybodyinmyheartthisliveshappilynowishard-earned,theheroismthatthisistheourgreatherothatfightdayandtheyarenotafraidofdeathforusthefollowingpersoncanhavetomakethesamescoreinstalledlife.Tousthevaluesthishard-earnedlifethatwehadbeenclosefriendsforthechildof21centuries.Wellgraspthisopportunitywellstudy,learnmyeachlessonthegoodstudentthatdoestotasteactorlearninganeedletocontendforthepersonthattakethesuccessthatbecomesnewgeneration,forournationalwinhonourfor,foroursdomesticancestorcontendsforatonetobeabsentletthoseforeignerslooknottoremoveus.AfterIwanttobein,wewantunitiveatone,everybodyisinonecollectiveeacharetowanttohadbeendone,thestudythatinthefollowingdayIhadbeenclosefriendswellforging,thecountryisafterbebroughtupwinhonourfor.
VariouscountriesNationalDay
TheNationalDayisanationalpoliticalnaturestrondawnofdiscoverygestholiday.But,thevariouscountries'NationalDaynameaswellasthedatedeterminationisdifferentactually.
Saidfromthenamethat,intheworldcalled“NationalDay”or“NationalDay”hasChina,Franceandsoonapproximately40countries;Called“independentdate”or“independendiscoverytfestival”hasAmerican,Mexican,Philippine,theBurmeseten-dayperiodandsoonapproximately60countries,wascalled“republicandate”or“republicdate”hascountriesandsoontheYugoslavia,Zaire,Iceland;Called“revolutionaryfestival”hastheformerU.S.S.R,Albania,Hungary;Called“federationestablishmentdate”hasSwitzerland;Called“uniondate”hasTanzania;Alsosomedirectlyaddson“thedate”bythecountry'sname,like“Australiandate”and“Pakistanidate”.
Saidfromthedatemeaningthat,theworldincludingourcountry,approximatelysome30countriestakefoundsanationJapanasaNationalDay;SomearetaketheconstitutionpromulgationdateastheNationalDays,likeFederalRepublicofGermany;SometakerevolutionizestherevoltdateastheNationalDay,likeFrance;SometaketheheadofstatebirthdayastheNationalDay,likecountriesandsoonJapan,Thailand,Holland,Denmark,England.Interestingis,thesecountriesalongwithking,theemperorofJapanorqueen'sreplacementchangetheNationalDaythedate.
GeneralcountryonlythenaNationalDay,but,Nepalese,Sweden,Ugandan,RepublicofGuineaDenmarkhastwoNationalDaysactually.InNepal,oneis“thenationaldemocraticdate”(onFebruary18),oneiskingsbirthday;InSweden,oneis“thenationalflagdate”(onJune6),oneisking'sbirthday;InCuba,oneis“theliberationdate”(onJanuary1),oneis“thenationalrevoltdate”(onJuly26);InUganda,oneis“theindependentdate”(onOctober9),oneis“thesecondrepublicandate”(onJuary25);IntheRepublicofGuinea,oneis“theannouncementrepublicandate”(onOctober2),oneis“thepeopledefeatstheaggressioncommemorationday”(onNovember22):InDenmark,oneis“theconstitutiondate”(onJune5),anotherisqueenthebirthday.
"NationalDay",incelebrationofthestate,thefirstintheWesternJindynasty.WesternJinDynastywriterLuJiin"fiveotherprincestheory"apaperoncea"nationaldayaloneforitsbenefit,themainworryaboutMoanditsharm"records,China'sfeudalera,thenationalcelebrationevent,agreatover-theemperorascendedthethrone,birthday(birthdayoftheQingDynastyemperorcalledforlongliveFestival).Thusourcountryancienttimestheemperorascendedthethrone,thebirthdayiscalled"nationalday".Todayistheanniversaryofthefoundingofstatefornationalday.
英语笑话
1:Amanwashitbyacabinthestreet.Hewasbroughttothehospital.Hiswifewhowasstandingupbyhisbed,saidtothedoctor:"Ithinkthatheisveryill.""Iamafraidthatheisdead."saidthedoctor,
Hearingthis,themanmovedhisheadandsaid:"I'mnotdead.I'mstillalive.""Bequiet,"saidthewife."thedoctorknowsbetterthanyou!"
医生懂得多
一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院.他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说:"我想他伤得很厉害."医生说:"我怕他已经死了."听到医生的话,这个男人转动着头说:"我没死,我还活着."妻子说:"安静,医生比你懂得多."
2:英:
Youcan'tgowithoutme
Thebusisverycrowded.Amantriestogeton,butnoonegiveswaytohim.
"Hey,letmegetonthebus."themanshouts.
"It'stoocrowded.You'dbettertakethenextbus."apassengersaystohim.
"Butyoucan'tgowithoume.I'mthedriver."themansays.
译:
没有我你们走不了
公共汽车上很拥挤.一位男士想上车,但是没有人给他让路.
"喂,让我上车!"那位男士喊道.
"车太挤了,你最好坐下一辆"车上的一位乘客对他说.
"但是没有我你们走不了.我是司机!"那位男士说道.
3:Drunk
Oneday,afatherandhislittlesonweregoinghome.Atthisage,theboywasinterestedinallkindsofthingsandwasalwaysaskingquestions.Now,heasked,"What'sthemeaningoftheword'Drunk',dad?""Well,myson,"hisfatherreplied,"look,therearestandingtwopolicemen.IfIregardthetwopolicemenasfourthenIamdrunk."
"But,dad,"theboysaid,"there'sonlyONEpoliceman!"
醉酒
一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？”“唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。”“可是，爸爸，”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”
4:Hospitality
Thehostessapologizedtoherunexpectedguestforservinganapple-piewithoutanycheese.Thelittleboyofthefamilylefttheroomquietlyforamomentandreturnedwithapieceofcheesewhichhelaidontheguest'splate.Thevisitorsmiled,putthecheeseintohismouthandthensaid:"Youmusthavebettereyesthanyourmother,sonny.Wheredidyoufindthecheese?""Intherat-trap,sir,"repliedtheboy.
好客
由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？”“在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。
5:Dearwhite,somethingyougottoknow
WhenIwasborn,Iwasblack.WhenIgrowup,IamblackWhenI'munderthesun,I'mblackWhenI'mcold,I'mblackWhenI'mafraid,I'mblack.
WhenI'msick,I'mblack.WhenIdie,I'mstillblack.you---whitepeople,Whenyouwereborn,youwerepink.Whenyougrowup,youbecomewhite.You'reredunderthesun.You'rebluewhenyou'recold.Youareyellowwhenyou'reafraid.You'regreenwhenyou'resick.You'regraywhenyoudie.Andyou,callme"color"?
亲爱的白种人，有几件事你必须知道。当我出生时，我是黑色的我长大了，我是黑色的我在阳光下，我是黑色的我寒冷时，我是黑色的我害怕时，我是黑色的我生病了，我是黑色的当我死了，我仍是黑色的。你---白种人，当你出生时，你是粉红色的。你长大了，变成白色的。你在阳光下，你是红色的。你寒冷时，你是青色的。你害怕时，你是黄色的。你生病时，你是绿色的。当你死时，你是灰色的。而你，却叫我「有色人种」？
6：Whereisthefather?
Twobrotherswerelookingatsomebeautifulpaintings.
"Look,"saidtheelderbrother."Hownicethesepaintingsare!"
"Yes,"saidtheyounger,"butinallthesepaintingsthereisonlythemotherandthechildren.Whereisthefather?"
Theelderbrotherthoughtforamomentandthenexplained,"Obviouslyhewaspaintingthepictures."
兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。
“看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀！”
“是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。
那爸爸去哪儿了呢？”
哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”
7：HowManyRabbits?
Teacher:Now,Jonathan,ifIgaveyouthreerabbitsandthenthenextdayIgaveyoufiverabbits,howmanyrabbitswouldyouhave?
Jonathan:Nine,sir.
Teacher:Nine?
Jonathan:I'vegotonealready,sir.
多少只兔子？
老师：好，乔纳森，假如我给你三只兔子，第二天我又给你五只，你一共有多少只兔子？
乔纳森：一共有九只，先生。
老师：九只？
乔纳森：先生，我本来就有一只。
8：TheseAreMyJeans
Aftergoingonadiet，awomanfeltreallygoodaboutherself----especiallywhenshewasabletofitintoapairofjeansshehadoutgrownlongago．
“Look，look．”sheshoutedwhilerunningdownstairstoshowherhusband．“Icanwearmyoldjeansagain．”
Herhusbandlookedatherforalongtime，whensaid，“Honey，Iloveyou，butthesearemyjeans．”
那是我的裤子!
一个妇女在减肥一段时间后自我感觉特别好——特别是当她又能穿上很早以前就穿不上的牛仔裤时。她跑下楼冲她丈夫喊道：“快看，快看。我又能穿上以前的裤子了。”她丈夫看了她好一会儿，然后说：“亲爱的，我爱你。但那是我的裤子。”
9：Themeanman'sparty
Thenotoriouscheapskatefinallydecidedtohaveaparty.Explainingtoafriendhowtofindhisapartment,hesaid,"Comeupto5Mandringthedoorbellwithyourelbow.Whenthedooropen,pushwithyourfoot."
"Whyusemyelbowandfoot?"
"Well,gosh,"wasthereply,"You'renotcomingempty-hangded,areyou?"
吝啬鬼请客
一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。”
“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？”
“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。
10：AllIdoispay
"Myfamilyisjustlikeanation,"Mr.Browntoldhiscolleague."Mywifeistheministeroffinance,mymother-in-lawistheministerofwar,andmydaughterisforeignsecretary."
"Soundsinteresting,"hiscolleaguereplied."Andwhatisyourposition?"
"I'mthepeople.AllIdoispay."
我要做的一切就是付钱
布朗先生告诉同事说：“我的家简直就象一个国家一样。我妻子
是财政部长。我岳母是作战部长，我女儿是外交秘书。”
“听上去挺有意思的，”他的同事说，“那你的职务是什么呢？”
“我就是老百姓。我要做的一切就是付钱。”