15则经典英语幽默故事
下面是我整理的15则经典英语幽默故事，欢迎大家阅读!
英语幽默故事1.
A:Madam,doyouhavesomethingincommonwithyourhusband?
B:Oh,wehaveonlyonepointincommon—wegotmarriedonthesameday,inthesamemonthandinthesameyear.
英语幽默故事2.
Afterspendingalldaywatchingfootball,HarryfellasleepinfrontoftheTVandspentthenightinthechair.Inthemorning,hiswifewokehimup.“Getup,dear,”shesaid,“It’s20toseven.”
Heawokewithastart.“Inwhosefavor?”
英语幽默故事3.
Themiserlymillionairecalledafamilyconference,“I’mplacingaboxofmoneyintheattic,”hesaid.”WhenIdie,Iintendtograbitonmywayuptoheaven.Seetoitthatnoonetouchesituntilit’smytimetoogo.”
Thefamilyrespectedhiswishes.Afterhisdeath,themillionaire’swifelookedintheattic.Theboxwasstillthere.“THEFOOL!”shesaid.”Itoldhimheshouldhaveputitinthebasement.”
英语幽默故事4.
Onthewayhomefrommyuniversity,Iwasgoingtodropoffafriendatherhome,whenIrealizedIwaslost.Iaskedherfordirections.Shesaidshewasnotsureoftheroute.Hopingtojoghermemory,Iasked,“whatroutedoesyourfathertakewhendrivesyoutoschool?”Shedidn’tknow.IthoughtitmightsimplifythingsifIrephrasedthequestion.”Whenyougohome,whichwaydoeshego?”
“Oh,that’seasy,”shereplied.“Hegoesbackthesamewayhecame.”
英语幽默故事5.
DuringmysecondyearatuniversityIwashavingtroubledecidingonmymajor.Inaagonizingdiscussionwithmyadviser,Idecidedtodoublemajorinastrophysicsandtheater.Gettinguptoleave,Isaid,“Thanksforyourhelp.ButwhatamIgoingtodoonceIgraduate?”
Myadvisershrugged,“Youcouldbeastar,”hesaid.
英语幽默故事6.
Thehostessapologizedtoherunexpectedguestforservinganapplepiewithoutanycheese.Thelittleboyofthefamilylefttheroomquietlyforamomentandreturnedwithapieceofcheesewhichhelaidontheguest’splate.
Thevisitorsmiled,putthecheeseintohismouthandthensaid,“Youmusthavebettereyesthanyourmother,sonny.Wheredidyoufindthecheese?”
“Intherattrap,sir,”repliedtheboy.
英语幽默故事7.
Oneprofessorsolemnlyaddressedtheclassthedayafterabigassignmenthadbeendue.“Manyofyouknowme,”heintoned.“Andmanyofyouhavemetmydog,Gus.Obviously,oneofyouhasnot.”
“Iapologizetowhoeverslippedatermpaperundermyofficedoor,”hecontinued.“Mydogateyourhomework.”
英语幽默故事8.
Justbeforegraduationfromuniversity,mysonandseveralfriendswerediscussingtheroletheirfamilieshadplayedintheircareerplans.Myson,whohadbeenacceptedbyacollegeofoptometry,hadbeenquietduringmostofthetalk.
“Howaboutyou,Dale?”oneofhisbuddiesasked.“Wasyoupushy?
“No,hereplied.“Ihadcompletefreedomofchoice.IcouldbeanykindofdoctorIwantedtobe.”
英语幽默故事9.
DuringmyfirstyearatNavalPostgraduateSchool,Isatchattingonedaywithsomeclassmatesabouttheprogram’sdifficulties.Aprofessoroverheardusandtriedtoallayourfears.“Don’tworrytoomuchaboutgrades,”heexplained.“Whenyouthinkyouknoweverything,theygiveyouaBachelor’sdegree.Thenwhenyourealizethatyoudon’tknowanything,theygiveyouaMaster’s,andwhenyoufindoutthatyoudon’tknowanything,butneitherdoesanyoneelse”hecontinued,”theygiveyouadoctorate.”
英语幽默故事10.
Recentlyengaged,Iaskedmyaunt,whohasbeenmarriedtoUncleBobfor34years,whatshethoughtwasthekeytothesuccessoftheirlongunion.Shesaid,“Trynottoargue,andwerespecteachother’sprivacy.”
AtthispointUncleBobinterrupted.“SheworksdaysandIworknights,”hesaid.
英语幽默故事11.
Abouttwoweeksbeforeourfifthanniversaryofmarriage,myhusbandaskedwhatIwouldlikeforagift.ItoldhimIwantedsomethingimpracticalandromantic.
Onouranniversarynight,hepresentedmewithalovelygoldbracelet.“Alittlefour-letterwordmademegetthisforyou,”hesaidsoftly.
“Oh,howsweet,”Iwhispered.“L-O-V-E?’
“No,’hereplied.“S-A-l-E.”
英语幽默故事12.
A:Oh,howniceyourbookshelfis!Butit’sapitythatitisemptywithoutanybooksinit.
B:Ihadnobookshelfinthepast.Inordertobuythebookshelf,Ihavesoldallmybooks.Don’tyouknow?
英语幽默故事13.
M:Doyouloveyourbride?
Bridegroom:Yes,ofcourse.Iloveherverymuch.
M:Areyouwillingtoaccompanywithyourhusbandforever?
Bride(withheadshakingrepeatedly):Ofcoursenot.Heisapostman,howcanIaccompanywithhimallthewholeday?
英语幽默故事14.
“Joeisthemanforme,”saidastarry-eyedyoungladytohermother,“He’snice.He’shandsome.He’ssmart.He’shardworking.He’sstrong.He’skind…..”
“He’smarried”interruptedhermother.
“Sonobodyisperfect.”
英语幽默故事15.
Atobacco-companyexecutivetraveledthecountrylookingforlong-timesmokeringoodhealth.Hefoundonemanwhoadmittedtosmokingfor70years.“Ifyoudoacommercialforus,”theexecutiveexplained.“We’llpayyou$10,000.”
“It’sadeal,”saidthesmoker.“WhendoIstart?”
“Howabout10A.M.Tomorrow?”
“Can’tdoitthen,son—Ineverquitcoughingtillnoon.”
英语幽默小故事10篇(带翻译)
1.MidwayTacticsThreepetingstoreownersrentedadjoiningshopsinamall.Observerswaitedformayhemtoensue.Theretailerontherightputuphugesignssaying,"GiganticSale!"and"SuperBargains!"Thestoreontheleftraisedbiggersignsproclaiming,"PricesSlashed!"and"FantasticDiscounts!"Theownerinthemiddlethenpreparedalargesignthatsimplystated,"ENTRANCE".中间战术三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：“大减价!”“特便宜!”左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：“大砍价!”“大折扣!”中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：“入口处”。2.VeryPleasedtoMeetYouDuringWorldWarII,alotofyoungwomeninBritainwereinthearmy.JoanPhillipswasoneofthem.Sheworkedinabigcamp,andofcoursemetalotofmen,officersandsoldiers.OneeveningshemetCaptainHumphreysatadance.Hesaidtoher,"I“mgoingabroadtomorrow,butI“dbeveryhappyifwecouldwritetoeachother."Joanagreed,andtheywroteforseveralmonths.Thenhislettersstopped,butshereceivedonefromanotherofficer,tellingherthathehadbeenwoundedandwasinacertainarmyhospitalinEngland.Joanwentthereandsaidtothematron,"I“veetovisitCaptainHumphreys.""Onlyrelativesareallowedtovisitpatientshere,"thematronsaid."Oh,that“sallright,"answeredJoan."I“mhissister.""I“mverypleasedtomeetyou,"thematronsaid,"I“mhismother!"在第二次世界大战中，有许多年轻的妇女在军营中服役。琼.飞利浦斯是其中之一。她在一个大军营中工作，当然遇到了许多男士，包括军官和士兵。一天晚上她在舞会上遇到了军官汉弗雷斯。他对她说，"我明天就要出国，但如果我们能够相互写信，我会很高兴。"琼同意了，于是他们几个月里一直通着信。后来，他再没有来信。她收到了另一个军官的信，告诉她，他受伤了，住在英格兰的某个部队医院里。琼到了医院，她对护士长说，"我来看望军官汉弗雷斯。""这里只有亲属可以探望病人。"护士长说。"噢，是的，"琼说，"我是他的妹妹。""很高兴认识你，"护士长说，"我是他的母亲。"希望能帮助到您，望采纳！MidwayTacticsThreepetingstoreownersrentedadjoiningshopsinamall.Observerswaitedformayhemtoensue.Theretailerontherightputuphugesignssaying,"GiganticSale!"and"SuperBargains!"Thestoreontheleftraisedbiggersignsproclaiming,"PricesSlashed!"and"FantasticDiscounts!"Theownerinthemiddlethenpreparedalargesignthatsimplystated,"ENTRANCE".中间战术三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条商业街上租用了毗邻的店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：“大减价!”“特便宜!”左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：“大砍价!”“大折扣!”中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：“入口处”。VeryPleasedtoMeetYouDuringWorldWarII,alotofyoungwomeninBritainwereinthearmy.JoanPhillipswasoneofthem.Sheworkedinabigcamp,andofcoursemetalotofmen,officersandsoldiers.OneeveningshemetCaptainHumphreysatadance.Hesaidtoher,"I‘mgoingabroadtomorrow,butI‘dbeveryhappyifwecouldwritetoeachother."Joanagreed,andtheywroteforseveralmonths.Thenhislettersstopped,butshereceivedonefromanotherofficer,tellingherthathehadbeenwoundedandwasinacertainarmyhospitalinEngland.Joanwentthereandsaidtothematron,"I‘veetovisitCaptainHumphreys.""Onlyrelativesareallowedtovisitpatientshere,"thematronsaid."Oh,that‘sallright,"answeredJoan."I‘mhissister.""I‘mverypleasedtomeetyou,"thematronsaid,"I‘mhismother!"在第二次世界大战中，有许多年轻的妇女在军营中服役。琼.飞利浦斯是其中之一。她在一个大军营中工作，当然遇到了许多男士，包括军官和士兵。一天晚上她在舞会上遇到了军官汉弗雷斯。他对她说，“我明天就要出国，但如果我们能够相互写信，我会很高兴。”琼同意了，于是他们几个月里一直通着信。后来，他再没有来信。她收到了另一个军官的信，告诉她，他受伤了，住在英格兰的某个部队医院里。琼到了医院，她对护士长说，“我来看望军官汉弗雷斯。”“这里只有亲属可以探望病人。”护士长说。“噢，是的，”琼说，“我是他的妹妹。”“很高兴认识你，”护士长说，“我是他的母亲。”TwoSoldiersTwosoldierswereincamp.Thefirstone‘snamewasGee,andthesecondone‘snamewasBill.Geesaid,"haveyougotapieceofpaperandanenvelope,Bill?"Billsaid,"Yes,Ihave,"andhegavethemtohim.ThenGeesaid,"NowIhaven‘tgotapen."Billgavehimhis,andGeewrotehisletter.Thenheputitintheenvelopeandsaid,"haveyougotastamp,Bill?"Billgavehimone.ThenBillgotupandwenttothedoor,soGeesaidtohim,"Areyougoingout?"BillSaid,"Yes,Iam,"andheopenedthedoor.Geesaid,"Pleaseputmyletterintheboxintheoffice,and..."Hestopped."Whatdoyouwantnow?"Billsaidtohim.Geelookedattheenvelopeofhisletterandanswered,"What‘syourgirl-friend‘saddress?"军营里有二名士兵，一个叫乔治，一个叫比尔。乔治问：“比尔，你有信纸、信封吗?”比尔说：“有。”然后把信纸和信封给了乔治。乔治又说：“我还没有笔呢。”比尔又把自己的笔给了他。乔治开始写信。写完后把信放进信封里，又问：“比尔，你有邮票吗?”比尔给了他一张。这时比尔站起来，向门口走去。乔治问：“你要出去吗?”比尔说：“是的。”随即打开了门。乔治说：“请帮我把这封信投进办公室的信箱里，还有...”他停住了。“你还要什么?”比尔问。乔治看着信封说：“你女朋友的地址是-?”FiveMonthsOlderTheSecondWorldWarhadbegun,andJohnwantedtojointhearmy,buthewasonly16yearsold,andboyswereallowedtojoinonlyiftheywereover18.Sowhenthearmydoctorexaminedhim,hesaidthathewas18.ButJohn‘sbrotherhadjoinedthearmyafewdaysbefore,andthesamedoctorhadexaminedhimtoo.Thisdoctorrememberedtheolderboy‘sfamilyname,sowhenhesawJohn‘spapers,hewassurprised."Howoldareyou?"hesaid."Eighteen,sir,"saidJohn."Butyourbrotherwaseighteen,too,"saidthedoctor."Areyouins?""Oh,no,sir,"saidJohn,andhisfacewentred."MybrotherisfivemonthsolderthanIam."大五个月第二次世界大战开始了，约翰想参军，可他只有十六岁，当时规定男孩到十八岁才能入伍。所以军医给他进行体检时，他说他已经十八岁了。可约翰的哥哥刚入伍没几天，而且也是这个军医给他做的检查。这位医生还记得他哥哥的姓。所以当他看到约翰的表格时，感到非常惊奇。“你多大了?”军医问。“十八，长官。”约翰说。“可你的哥哥也是十八岁，你们是双胞胎吗?”约翰脸红了，说：“哦，不是，长官，我哥哥比我大五个月。”WestPointMyfather,brotherandIvisitedWestPointtoseeafootballgamebeeenArmyandBostonCollege.Takingastrollbeforekickoff,wemetmanycadetsinneatlypresseduniforms.Severalvistingfansaskedtherecruitsiftheywouldposeforphotographs,"toshowoursonwhattoexpectifheshouldattendWestPoint."Onemiddle-agedcoupleapproachedaveryattractivefemalecadetandaskedhertoposeforapicture.Theyexplained,"WewanttoshowoursonwhathemissedbynotingtoWestPoint."父亲、哥哥和我到西点军校去观看一场陆军与波士顿大学之间的橄榄球赛。开始之前，我们到处转了转，碰到许多穿着整齐制服的学员。几名游客问新兵是否愿意摆出军姿来让他们摄。“好让我们的儿子知道，如果他到西点军校来学习会得到什么。”一对中年夫妇走近一名非常漂亮的女学员，问她是否愿意摆个姿势照相。他们解释说：“我们想让儿子知道他没来西点军校错过了什么。”(6)PresentforGirlfriendAtajewelrystore,ayoungmanboughtanexpensivelocketasapresentforhisgirlfriend."ShallIengravehernameonit?"thejewelerasked.Thecustomerthoughtforamoment,andthensaid,"No-engraveit‘Tomyoneandonlylove‘.Thatway,ifweeverbreakup,Icanuseitagain."送给女友的礼物在一家珠宝店里，一位年轻人买了一个贵重的小金盒作为送给女友的礼物。“要我把她的名字刻在上面吗?”珠宝商问道。那名顾客想了一会儿，然后说道：“不--在上面刻‘给我唯一的爱’。这样，如果我们闹崩了，我还可以再用到它。”BeCarefulWhatYouWishForAcouplehadbeenmarriedfor25yearsandwerecelebratingtheir60thbirthdays,whichfellonthesameday.Duringthecelebrationafairyappearedandsaidthatbecausetheyhadbeensuchalovingcoupleforall25years,shewouldgivethemonewisheach.Thewifewantedtotravelaroundtheworld.Thefairywavedherhand,andBoom!Shehadtheticketsinherhand.Next,itwasthehu***and‘sturn.Hepausedforamoment,thensaidshyly,"Well,I‘dliketohaveawoman30yearsyoungerthanme."Thefairypickedupherwand,andBoom!Hewasniy.慎重许愿一对结婚25周年的夫妻在庆祝他们六十岁的生日。他们恰好在同一天出生。庆祝活动中，一位仙女出现了。她说，由于他们是已经结婚25年的恩爱夫妻，因此她给许给这对夫妻每个人一个愿望。妻子想周游世界。仙女招了招手。“呯!”的一声，她的手中出现了一张票。接下来该丈夫许愿了。他犹豫片刻，害羞地说，“那我想要一位比我年轻30岁的女人。”仙女拾起了魔术棒。“呯!”，他变成了90岁。WoodFireOnewomanlecturedherbestfriendonthenatureofthemaleanimal."Hu***andsarelikewoodfires;theygooutifleftunattened.""Doesthatmean,"askedtheother,"thattheymakeashesofthemselves?"森林之火一名妇女向她最好的朋友大谈雄性动物的特性：“丈夫们就像是森林里的火，一不注意，他们就会燃烧起来。”“那是不是意味着，”另一个问道，“他们将自己烧成灰烬?”智课有英汉双翻译的文章
英语两人对话小故事幽默
雇主howmuchdoyouwantamonth?你一个月想要多少钱？保姆：800yuan,eatyou,sleepyou.800块，吃你的，住你的a:whydoyoudrinkwineeveryday?b:ilikeit!a:isitdelicious?b:ofcourse!notonlyso,inwinethereistruth.a:really,whatisit?b:whenyouareinlowspirits,drinkingwinecanhelpyouaboutthat.ontheotherhand,itcanhelpyoumakemorefriends.a:oh,it'ssosupernatural.bill:hello,jill.jill:hi,bill.bill:whathappened?youlooklikealittleupset.jill:i'mworriedaboutmyexams.myteacherasksmetomakeapublicsppechwithoneclas***ate.bill:soyoudon'thaveapartner?jill:no,ihave.lilyismypartner.butneitherofusknowhowtomakeaspeech.bill:oh,itdoesn'tmatter.myfriendbobknows.hereallydiditbefore.youcanaskhim.jill:couldyouhalpme?idon'tknowhim.bill:ofcourse.heisatclassroomnow.let'sgo....bill:hello,bob.thisismyfriendjill.bob:nicetomeetyou,jill.jill:nicetomeetyou,too.bill:bob,jillmeetsaproblem.histeacheraskshimtomakeaspeech.buthedoesn'tknowhowtomakeit.couldyouhelphim?bob:ok.thereareseveralvitalfactorswhenitestomakeapublicspeech.firstofall,woshouldconsiderthecontentofthespeech,whatthingsdoyouwanttotalkabout.jill:letmewriteitdown....ok.andthen?bob:secondly,youshouldconsiderthelengthofthespeech.itshouldnottoolongortooshort.jill:and?bob:lastbutnotleast,speakconfidently.justrememberbeconfidentwheneverandwhereveryouare.thatisthemostimportmant.jill:thankyouverymuch.bob:anyothermattersicanhelpyou?jill:maybe,butnotatthismoment.ihavemanythingstodo.couldiaskyoutohelpmelater.bob:yes,youcould.i'dliketo.bill:ok,problemsaresolved.letgoforlunch.it'stimeforlunch.andyoucangoon.A"what'shapon?"B"onecareonegoetowcarpenpenonecardie"