英语幽默笑话超短
英语幽默笑话如下：
1.Beforethefinalexamination,Tomtoldhismother,"Mom,IhadadreamlastnightthatI'dpassedtoday'sexam.""Don'ttrustdreams,dear.Itissaidwhatyouexperienceindreamsusuallyturnsouttobetheopposite."Motherreplied."ThenIdohopeI'llfailtheothersubjectsinmydreamtonight,"Tomsaid.
在期末考试之前，汤姆告诉他的母亲：“妈妈，我昨天晚上做了一个梦，梦见我通过了今天的考试。”“不要相信梦，亲爱的。据说梦中的经历通常与现实相反。”妈妈答道。“那么，我真希望在今晚的梦中，我的其他功课都不及格。”汤姆说。
2.Bighands
Teacher:IfIhadsevenorangesinonehandandeightorangesintheother,whatwouldIhave?
tudent:Bighands.
大手
老师：如果我左手上有7个桔子，右手上有8个桔子。那么我有什么？
学生：大手。
3.Teacher:IfIcutabeefsteakinhalfandthencutthehalfinhalf,whatdoIget?Tommy:Quarters.Teacher:AndthenifIcutittwiceagain?Tommy:Hamburger.
老师：如果我把一块牛排切成两半的两半，我能得到几块儿？汤米：四块。老师：那我要是再切两次，我能得到什么呢？汤米：汉堡。
4.
Onthewayhomeafterwatchingaballetperformance,thekindergartenteacheraskedherstudentswhattheythoughtofit.Thesmallestgirlintheclasssaidshewishedthedancersweretallersothattheywouldnothavetostandontheirtoesallthetime.
在观看完芭蕾舞表演回家的路上，幼儿园老师问学生的观后感。班上最小的女孩说，她希望舞蹈演员可以长得更高一点儿，那么他们就不用整天踮着脚尖了。
5.Correct
Teacher:Jimmy,whatarethethreewordswhichpupilsusemostoftenatschool?
Jimmy:Idon’tknow...
Teacher:Correct.
很对
教师：吉米，学生在学校里经常用的三个字是什么？
吉米：不知道……
老师：很对。
20个英语笑话爆笑超短
你好
GoodBoy
LittleRobertaskedhismotherfortwocents."WhatdidyoudowiththemoneyIgaveyouyesterday?"
"Igaveittoapooroldwoman,"heanswered.
"You'reagoodboy,"saidthemotherproudly."Herearetwocentsmore.Butwhyareyousointerestedintheoldwoman?"
"Sheistheonewhosellsthecandy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱.
“昨天给你的钱干什么了?”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆,”他回答说.“你真是个好孩子,”妈妈骄傲地说.“再给你两分钱.可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢?”
“她是个卖糖果的.”
NestandHair
Mysister,aprimaryschoolteacher,wasinformedbyoneofherpupilsthatabirdhadbuiltitsnestinthetreeoutsidetheclassroom.
"Whatkindofbird?"mysisterasked.
"Ididn'tseethebird,ma'am,onlythenest,"repliedthechild.
"Then,canyougiveusadescriptionofthenest?"mysisterencouragedher.
"Well,ma'am,itjustresemblesyourhair."
Notes:
(1)informv.告诉
(2)nestn.窝；巢
(3)descriptionn.描述
(4)encouragev.鼓励
(5)resemblev.相似；类似
18.鸟窝与头发
我姐姐是一位小学老师.一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外的树上垒了个窝.
“是什么鸟呢?”我姐姐问她.
“我没看到鸟儿,老师,只看到鸟窝.”那孩子回答说.
“那么,你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗?”我姐姐鼓励她道.
“哦,老师,就像你的头发一样.”
I'veJustBittenMyTongue
"Arewepoisonous?"theyoungsnakeaskedhismother.
"Yes,dear,"shereplied-"Whydoyouask?"
"CauseI'vejustbittenmytongue!"
Notes:
(1)poisonousadj.有毒的
(2)CauseI'vejustbittenmytongue因为我刚咬了自己的舌头.句中Cause是Because的缩略形式.
我刚咬破自己的舌头
“我们有毒吗?”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲.
“是的,亲爱的,”她回答说,“你问这个干什么?”
“因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头.”
AWomanWhoFell
ItwasrushhourandIwasdashingtoatraininNewYorkCity'sGrandCentralTerminal-AsInearedthegate,aplump,middle-agedwomansprintedupfrombehind,lostherfootingonthesmoothmarblefloorandslidontoherback.Hermomentumcarriedherclosetomyshoes.BeforeIcouldhelpher,however,shehadscrambledup.Gaininghercomposure,shewinkedatmeandsaid,"Doyoualwayshavebeautifulwomenfailingatyourfeet?"
摔倒的女人
上下班高峰期,我匆匆奔向纽约豪华中心站去赶一趟火车.接近门口,一位肥胖的中年妇女从后面冲过来,没想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了脚,仰面滑倒了.她的惯性使她接近了我的脚.我正准备扶她,她却自己爬了起来.她镇定了一下,对我挤了一下眉,说道：“总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗?”
英语笑话（一）
Q:What'sthedifferencebetweenamonkeyandaflea?
A:Amonkeycanhavefleas,butafleacan'thavemonkeys.
猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢?你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小.但除此之外呢,那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤,而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子.这个答案很有意思吧?
满意请采纳
急!急!急!英语超超短笑话翻译
A
tiger
caught
a
Deer.一只老虎抓到一头鹿
The
tiger
plans
to
eat
the
deer,
so
the
deer
screamed:
"
you
can't
eat
me"老虎打算吃了这头鹿.鹿急忙大叫：“你不能吃我？”
The
tiger
hesitated,
feeling
very
strange,
so
he
asked
the
deer:
"
why
can't
i
eat
you?
老虎一楞，感到很奇怪，于是问鹿：“为什么我不能吃你？”
The
deer
said:"
Because
im
a
protected
second
class
animal
in
the
country,
so,
no
matter
what
you
can't
eat
me
!"
鹿说：“因为我是国家二级保护动物，所以，你无论如何也不能吃了我！”
The
tiger
after
hearing
what
the
deer
said,
laughed
and
said
"
haha,
then
i
should
really
eat
you
!
老虎听完笑着说：“呵呵，那么我更应该要吃你了
Deer
asked
:
"
why
?"
鹿说：“为什么？”
"
because
im
a
first
class
protected
animal
in
the
country"
Tiger
proudly
said
“因为我是国家一级动物！”老虎得意地说。
A
mother
saw
her
three-year-old
son
put
nickel
in
his
mouth
and
swallowed
it
.She
immediately
picked
hime
up,
turned
him
upside
down
and
hit
him
on
the
back,
whereupon
he
coughed
up
two
dimes.Frantically,
she
called
to
the
father
outside.
"Your
son
just
swallowed
a
nickel
and
coughed
up
two
dimes!What
shall
I
do
?"
Yelled
back
the
father
,"Keep
feeding
him
nickels!"
母亲见三岁的儿子将一枚五分镍币放进嘴里吞了下去，她立刻将他抱起，头朝下不停地拍打他的后背，他咳出了两枚一角的硬币，她发狂似的朝正在外面的孩子父亲喊道：
“你儿子刚才吞下了一枚五分镍币，可咳出两枚一角的硬币！我该怎么办呢？“
孩子他爸大声回答道：“再喂他几枚五分镍币！”
Just
Sew
the
Buttonhole
Husband:
Did
you
sew
the
button
on
my
shirt,
darling?
Wife:
No,
dear.
I
couldn't
find
the
button,
so
I
just
sewed
up
the
buttonhole.
丈夫：你给我把扣子缝好了吗，亲爱的？
妻子：没有，亲爱的。我找不到扣子，所以我只把扣眼儿给缝上了。
To
Give
Up
the
Seat
Little
Johnny
says
"Mom,
when
I
was
on
the
bus
with
Daddy
this
morning,
he
told
me
to
give
up
my
seat
to
a
lady."
"Well,
you've
done
the
right
thing,"
says
Mommy
"But
Mommy,
I
was
sitting
on
daddy's
lap."
让座
小约翰告诉妈妈：“早上我和爸爸坐公车时，他让我给一位女士让座。”
“好，你做得对。”妈妈说。
“但是，妈妈，我那时正坐在爸爸的大腿上。”
Be
Much
Worse
Policeman:
Why
didn't
you
shout
for
help
when
you
were
robbed
of
your
watch?
Man:
If
I
had
opened
my
mouth,
they'd
have
found
my
four
gold
teeth.
That
would
be
much
worse.
可能更糟
警察：当你的手表被抢的时候，你为什么不大声喊叫呢？
男士：如果我张嘴喊叫，他们就会发现我的四颗金牙。那样情况就更糟了！
My
Baby
Swallowed
a
Bullet
Young
Mother:
"Doctor,
my
baby
swallowd
a
bullet.
What
shall
I
do
?
Doctor:
"Don't
point
him
at
anybody."
年轻的妈妈说：“医生，我孩子吞下一颗子弹，我该怎么办？”
医生说：“不要让他指着任何人。”