寻求初一的英语小短文和小笑话(40词左右)
goodnewsandbadnews
Thesoldiershadbeenmarchingandfighting,theyweredirty,hotandtired.Oneday,thegeneralannounced:"Mymen,Ihavesomegoodnewsandsomebadnewsforyou.Whichonewouldyoulikefirst?"
"Thegoodnews!"theyallshouted.
"OK,"saidtheGeneral."Thegoodnewsisthatyouwilleachbereceivingacompletechangeofclothing."
"Hurrah!"chorusedthesoldiers.
"Andnowforthebadnews.Jack,youwillchangewithJohn.John,youwillchangewithTom.Tom,youwillchangewithRobert.Robert....
译：好消息和坏消息
士兵们连续的行军，作战，他们又累又热又脏。一天，将军宣布：“士兵们，我有一些好消息和坏消息要告诉你们。你们愿意先听哪个呢？”
“好消息！”他们嚷道。
“好吧，”将军说，“好消息就是你们每个人都可以彻底的换一身衣服。”
“乌拉！”士兵们高兴地大叫起来。
“现在呢，该是坏消息了。杰克，你将和约翰换衣服，约翰，你和汤姆换，汤姆，你和罗伯特换，罗伯特……”
[幽默]-whatmilesonTheCar?
Ablonde（金发女郎）andabrunette（黑人妇女）weretalking,andtheblondewasverystressed.Thebrunetteaskedherwhatwasthematter.Theblondeproceededtotellherthatshereallyneededtosellhercar,butnoonewouldbuybecauseithas100,000milesonit.
Thebrunettesaidtoher,"Iknowawaythatwillhelpyousellit.Ihaveafriendwhocanhelpyou,butit'sillegal."
Theblondesaid,"I'lldoanything."Sothebrunettegavetheblondethephonenumberofaguywhocouldturnbacktheodometeronhercar.Aweeklatertheblondeandthebrunettecrossedpaths,andthebrunetteaskedtheblondeifshehadsoldhercaryet.
Theblondesaid,"WhywouldIsellacarwithonly50,000milesonit?!"
[幽默]-anOldMaid
Inatinyvillagelivedanoldmaid.Inspiteofheroldage,shewasstillavirgin.Shewasveryproudofit.Sheknewherlastdaysweregettingcloser,soshetoldthelocalundertakerthatshewantedthefollowinginscriptiononhertombstone:"Bornasavirgin,livedasavirgin,diedasavirgin."
Notlongafter,theoldmaiddiedpeacefully,andtheundertakertoldhismenwhattheladyhadsaid.Themenwenttocarveitin,butasthelazyno-goodstheywere,theythoughttheinscriptiontobeunnecessarilylong.Theysimplywrote:"Returnedunopened."
[幽默]-名演员的最后一次机会
Therewasonceagreatactorwhocouldnolongerrememberhislines.Aftermanyyearshefindsatheatrewheretheyarepreparedtogivehimachancetoshineagain.
Thedirectorsays,"Thisisthemostimportantpart,andithasonlyoneline.Youwalkontothestageattheopeningcarryingarose.Youholdtherosetoyournosewithjustonefingerandthumb,snifftherosedeeplyandthensaytheline‘Ah,thesweetaromaofmymistress.‘"
Theactoristhrilled.Alldaylongbeforetheplayhe‘spracticinghislineoverandoveragain.
Finally,thetimecame.Thecurtainwentup,theactorwalkedontothestage,andwithgreatpassiondeliveredtheline,"Ah,thesweetaromaofmymistress."
Thetheatreerupted,theaudiencewasscreamingwithlaughterandthedirectorwassteaming!
"Youbloodyfool!"hecried,"Youhaveruinedme!"
Theactorwasbewildered,"Whathappened,didIforgetmyline?"
"No!"screamedthedirector."Youforgottherose!"
[幽默]MyWifeWillExchangeThemTomorrow
Agentlemanwalksintoastoreandaskedforapairofgloves.
"Clothofleather?"askedthesalesperson.
"Makesnodifference,"repliedcustomer.
"Whatcolor?"askedtheclerk.
"Any,"heresponded.
"Size?"
"Givemewhateveryouprefer,"thegentlemansaid,slightlyexasperated."Mywifewillbebacktomorrowtoexchangethem."
译：反正我太太明天会来换的
一位先生走进一家商店要买付手套。
“您是要布的还是皮的？”售货员问。
“没什么区别。”这位顾客回答。
“那您要什么颜色的呢？”售货员又问。
“什么颜色都成。”他回答。
“号码呢？”
“您就随便给我拿一付吧，”这位顾客有点不耐烦了，“反正我太太明天都会来换的。”
MYDAILYLIFE
Thoughmydailylifeisextremelymonotonous,Itryhardtoadaptmyselftoit.Why?BecauseIintendtobeagoodstudent.Iwishtorenderservicetomycountry.Igetupatsixo’clockeveryday.AfterIwashmyfaceandbrushmyteeth,Ibegintoreviewmylessons.Igotoschoolatseveno’clock.Afterschoolisover,Ireturnhome.Weusuallyhavesupperatseveno’clock.ThenIbegintodomyhomework.IwanttofinishitbeforeIgotobed.
虽然我的日常生活十分单调，但我却竭力设法去适应它。为什么？因为我打算做一个好学生，希望将来为国家服务。我每天六点起床、洗脸刷牙后，就开始复习功课，七点钟我就去上学。放学后，我就回家了。我们通常在七点钟吃晚餐，之后我就开始做家庭作业，希望在睡觉前把它做完。
Extinctionhasbecomeacatchword(时髦话).Everydayentirespeciesofplantsandanimalsdieout,andforthefirsttimeinhistorythisisduetotheactionsofjustonespecies:humans.Wealreadyknowaboutfivemassextinctions,andnowasixthseemstobeunderway.Thisoneisdifferent,becauseitisman-made.Deforestation(毁林）oftherainforestsisjustoneaspectofthephenomenon.Mostpeoplemayhaveheardaboutthat,butfewpeopleknowthatmostofthespeciesexistingintherainforestshaveneverbeendescribedbyscience.Oftentheydieoutbeforeweeverknowexisted.Nobodycantellwhattreasureswelose,perhapsacureforcancerorothermodern-daydiseases.
World-famousHarvardprofessorEdwardO.WilsonexamineslifeonourplanetinhisbookTheDiversity(多样性)oflife.Hedoesn'tlecturehisreaders,butstatesinmatter-of-factwaywhatisknownabouttheEarth'spastandtheimpactofmankindonitsplantandanimallife.Meanwhile,hesuggestssolutionsforthepresentcrisis.
IfyouareinterestedinthefutureofplanetEarthandwanttolearntoseethebiggerpicture,thisisthebookforyou.Thisisnonightbedtimereadingandwillprobablyleaveyoufeelinguneasy.However,it'simportantforpeoplelivinginthe21stcenturytothinkabouthowwecanpassatleastpartofthisdiversityontoourchildren.RecentresearchshowsthatEarthneedsabout10millonyearstorestorethelostspeciesafteragreatcrisis.Ten,millionyearsarenotmuchintermsofthelifeofaplanet,buttheperiodiswaytoolongformankind.Wilson'sbookshouldhelpustostartaprocessofreconsideration.
Strange
AlawyernamedStrangedied,andhisfriendaskedthetombstonemakertoinscribeonhistombstone,"HereliesStrange,anhonestman,andalawyer."
Theinscriberinsistedthatsuchaninscriptionwouldbeconfusing,forpassersbywouldtendtothinkthatthreemenwereburiedunderthestone.
Howeverhesuggestedanalternative:Hewouldinscribe,"Hereliesamanwhowasbothhonestandalawyer.
"Thatway,wheneveranyonewalkedbythetombstoneandreadit,theywouldbecertaintoremark:"That'sStrange!"
TooPolite
Awomanwhofrequentedasmallantiqueshoprarelypurchaseanything,butalwaysfoundfaultwiththemerchandiseandprices.Themanagerandhersalesclerktookthewoman'sgrumpycomplaintsinstride,butonedayshewenttoofar."WhyisitInevermanagetogetwhatIaskforinyourshop?"demandedthewoman.
Asmileonherface,theclerkcalmlyreplied,"Perhapsit'sbecausewe'retoopolite."
太有礼貌
一名妇女经常光顾一家小古董店，但几乎从不买什么东西，却总是对商品和价格吹毛求疵。对于那妇女的粗暴抱怨，经理和她的销售员总是应付了事，但是有一天她做得太过分了。“为什么你们店里总是不能得到我想要的东西？”那名妇女指责说。
职员脸上带着微笑，沉着地回答道：“也许是因为我们太有礼貌了。”
Wings
Thefried-chickenrestaurantwhereIwasworkinghadabigrushjustbeforeclosingoneday,leavinguswithnothingtosellbutwings.AsIwasabouttolockthedoors,aquietlyintoxicatedcustomercameinandordereddinner.WhenIaskedifwingswouldbeallright,heleanedoverthecounterandreplied,"Lady,Icameinheretoeat,notfly."
翅膀
一天，我工作的炸鸡店在关门前出现了一阵抢购狂潮，结果除了鸡翅外所有的东西都卖完了。当我正准备锁门时，一名喝醉了的旅客进来要进餐。我问他翅膀行不行，他从柜台上靠过身子来，回答道：“女士，我到这儿来是吃东西的，不是要飞！”
TheBearandtheTwoTravelers
TWOmanweretravelingtogether,whenaBearsuddenlymetthemontheirpath.
Oneofthemclimbedupquicklyintoatreeandconcealedhimselfinthebranches.Theother,seeingthathemustbeattacked,fellflatontheground,andwhentheBearcameupandfelthimwithhissnout,andsmelthimallover,heheldhisbreath,andfeignedtheappearanceofdeathasmuchashecould.
TheBearsoonlefthim,foritissaidhewillnottouchadeadbody.Whenhewasquitegone,theotherTravelerdescendedfromthetree,andjocularlyinquiredofhisfriendwhatitwastheBearhadwhisperedinhisear."Hegavemethisadvice,"hiscompanionreplied."Nevertravelwithafriendwhodesertsyouattheapproachofdanger."
Misfortuneteststhesincerityoffriends
ANailOrAFly?
Anoldgentlemanwhoseeyesightwasfailingcametostayinahotelroomwithabottleofwineineachhand.Onthewalltherewasaflywhichhetookforanail.Sothemomenthehungthemon,thebottlesfellbrokenandthewinespiltalloverthefloor.Whenawaitressdiscoveredwhathadhappened,sheshoweddeepsympathyforhimanddecidedtodohimafavour.
Sothenextmorningwhenhewasouttakingawalkintheroofgarden,shehammeredanailexactlywheretheflyhadstayed.
Nowtheoldmanenteredhisroom.Thesmellofthespiltwineremindedhimoftheaccident.Whenhelookedupatthewall,hefoundtheflywasthereagain!Hewalkedtoitcarefullyadnslappeditwithallhisstrength.Onhearingaloudcry,thekind-heartedwaitressrushedin.Tohergreatsurprise,thepooroldmanwastheresittingonthefloor,histeethclenchedandhisrighthandbleeding!
英语幽默故事
钉子还是苍蝇？
一位视力正在衰退的老绅士住进了一家旅馆的客房。他双手各拿一瓶酒。在墙上有只苍蝇，他误以为是枚钉子。他把两只瓶子朝上一挂，瓶子掉下来摔碎了，酒洒了一地。一个女服务员发现发生的事情以后，对他深表同情，决定帮他个忙。
于是，第二天早上他到楼顶花园散步时，她把一枚钉子钉在了苍蝇停过的地方。
这里，老人回到了房里。倒洒的酒味让他想起了那件事。他抬头往墙上一看，苍蝇又停在了那儿!他轻手轻脚地走近，使尽全力拍了一掌。听到一声大叫，好心的女服务员冲进房来。让她大为吃惊的是，可怜的老头正坐在地板上，牙关紧咬，右手滴血不止。
Isitfar?
Ali,whowasworkingalongwayfromhome,wantedtosendalettertohiswife,buthecouldneitherreadnorwrite,andhehadtoworkallday,sohecouldonlylookforsomebodytowritehisletterlateatnight.Atlasthefoundthehouseofaletter-writerwhosenamewasNasreddin.
Nasreddinwasalreadyinbed.'Itislate,'hesaid.'Whatdoyouwant?''Iwantyoutowritealettertomywife,'saidAli.Nasreddinwasnotpleased.Hethoughtforafewsecondsandthensaid,'Hasthelettergottogofar?'
'Whatdoesthatmatter?'answeredAli.
'Well,mywritingissostrangethatonlyIcanreadit,andifIhavetotravelalongwaytoreadyourlettertoyourwife,itwillcostyoualotofmoney.'
Aliwentawayquickly.
whydoyouneverphoneme?
MrsHarrislivesinasmallvillage.Herhusbandisdead,butshehasoneson.Heistwenty-oneandhisnameisGeoff.Heworkedintheshopinthevillageandlivedwithhismother,butthenhegotworkinatownandwentantlivedthere.ItsnamewasGreensea.Itwasquitealongwayfromhismother'svillage,andshewasnothappyaboutthis,butGeoffsaid,"Thereisn'tanygoodworkformeinthecountry,Mother,andIcangetalotofmoneyinGreenseaandsendyousomeeveryweek."
MrsHarriswasveryangrylastSunday.Shegotinatrainandwenttoherson'shouseinGreensea.Thenshesaidtohim,"Geoff,whydoyouneverphoneme?"
Geofflaughed."But,Mother",hesaid,"youhaven'tgotaphone."
"No,"sheanswered,"Ihaven't,butYOU'VEgotone!"
TheAntandtheDove
Anantwenttothebankofarivertoquenchitsthirst,andbeingcarriedawaybytherushofthestream,wasonthepointofdrowning.
ADovesittingonatreeoverhangingthewaterpluckedaleafandletitfallintothestreamclosetoher.
TheAntclimbedontoitandfloatedinsafetytothebank.Shortlyafterwardsabirdcatchercameandstoodunderthetree,andlaidhislime-twigsfortheDove,whichsatinthebranches.TheAnt,perceivinghisdesign,stunghiminthefoot.Inpainthebirdcatcherthrewdownthetwigs,andthenoisemadetheDovetakewing.
Onegoodturndeservesanother
Mum:Mary,youmusttakeoffyourbeautifulsweaterwhenyousleep.
Mary:Idon'twanttotakeitoff.
Mum:Why?
Mary:Whydoesn'ttheroostertakeoffitsbeautifulcoatwhenitsleeps?
妈妈：玛丽，你睡觉时，一定要把漂亮的毛衣脱下来。
玛丽：我不想脱。
妈妈：为什么呢？
玛丽：大公鸡睡觉时，怎么不脱下它漂亮的外衣呢？
TheHareandtheTortoise
H:Goodmorning,Mr.Tortoise.
T:Oh,it'syou,Mr.Hare.Goodmorning!
H:Whatareyoudoing?
T:I'mrunning.
H:Running?Hahaha!
Canyourun?Yourlegsaretooshort!
T:OfcourseIcan.
H:Mylegsarelong.Icanrunfasterthanyou.
T:Don'tbesosure.
H:Wellthen.Let'sruntothetalltreeoverthere.Let'sseewhocangettherefirst.
T:Allright.Ready?Go!
Storyteller:Tortoisegoesveryslowly.ButMr.Harerunsveryfast.Soonhecomestoasmalltree.
H:WhereisMr.Tortoise?Aha!Thereheis.He'sfarbehindme.Howslowheis!Mmm,it'ssohot!Hereisatree.I'llhaveashortsleepfirst.
T:Oh,hiissleepingunderthetreethere.ButIcan'tstop.Imustgoon.
H:Ah!Whatanicesleep!Letmegoon.Oh,where'sMr.Tortoise?Whereishenow?Imusthurry.
Storyteller:Soonherunsto.
1．Diligenceisthemotherofgoodluck.
勤勉是好运气的母亲。
2．Itisthepeculiarityofknowledgethatthosewhoreallythirstforitalwaysgetit.
凡真正渴求知识者必能胜之，这是知识的特性。
3．ItistobooksthatIoweeverythingthatisgoodinme.
我身上所有优秀的品质都要归功于书籍。
4．Writeitonyourheartthateverydayisthebestoftheyear.
把这铭记在你心里：每一天都是一年中最好的日子。
5．Thethreefoundationsoflearning:seeingmuch,sufferingmuchandstudyingmuch.
求学的三个基本条件是：多观察，多吃苦，多研究。
TwoHeartsBeating
Nurse:Howdoyoufeelafteryouroperation?
Patient:Quiteal-right,onlyIcanfeeltwoheartsbeatinginsideme.
Nurse:Nowonder.Thedoctorwhooperatedonyouwaslookingforhiswatcheverywherejustnow.
两颗心脏在跳动
护士：手术后你感觉怎么样？
病人：很好，只是我感觉到在我体内有两颗心脏在跳动。
护士：怪不得给你做手术的大夫刚才在到处找他的手表。
简单的初中英语短文及笑话
这个笑话挺好笑的.生字应该不多.你自己要学查字典的.
Illinois是美国东部一个州.冬天很冷.Florida在美国南部,一年气候都比较热.
ABIGE-mailMistake
AnIllinoismanleftthesnowballedstreetsofChicagoforavacationinFlorida.Hiswifewasonabusinesstripandwasplanningtomeethimtherethenextday.Whenhereachedhishotel,hedecidedtosendhiswifeaquicke-mail.
Unabletofindthescrapofpaperonwhichhehadwrittenhere-mailaddress,hedidhisbesttotypeitinfrommemory.Unfortunately,hemissedoneletter,andhisnotewasdirectedinsteadtoanelderlypreacher'swifewhosehusbandhadpassedawayonlythedaybefore.Whenthegrievingwidowcheckedhere-mail,shetookonelookatthemonitor,letoutapiercingscream,andfelltothefloordead.
Atthesound,herfamilyrushedintotheroomandsawthisnoteonthescreen:
DearestWife,
Justgotcheckedin.Everythingpreparedforyourarrivaltomorrow.
YourLovingHusband.
P.S.Sureishotdownhere.
英语笑话短文,初一的!!!
1)TOM'SEXCUSE
Teacher:Tom,whyareyoulateforschooleveryday?
Tom:EverytimeIcometothecorner,asignsays,"School-Go
Slow".
汤姆的借口
老师：汤姆，您为什么每天上学迟到？
汤姆：我每次路过拐角，一个路标上面写着："学校----慢行。"
2)TomcallJim'sname:"Ican'tbearsuchafoolish!"
andJimsay:"Youmothercould(bear)!"
汤姆对着吉姆骂道:"我受不了你这个苯蛋了!"
吉姆说:"你妈妈能!"
附:bear有两重意思:"生"和"忍受"这个笑话正是根据这点.
3)AmangoestochurchandstartstalkingtoGod.Hesays:"God,whatisamilliondollarstoyou?"andGodsays:"Apenny",thenthemansays:"God,whatisamillionyearstoyou?"andGodsays:"asecond",thenthemansays:"God,canIhaveapenny?"andGodsays"Inasecond"
一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊,一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."
4)MothersentTommytothestoreacrossthestreettobuyagoodboxofmatches.WhenTommycameback,motheraskedhim,”Didyoubuyagoodboxofmatches?”
“Yes,Mum.”Tommyreplied,”Ihavetriedthemall.”
妈妈让汤米去马路对面的商店里买一盒好用的火柴。汤米回来后，妈妈问他，“你买的是好用的火柴吗？”
“是的，妈妈。”汤米回答，“我把它们都试过了。”
5)Father:Uh,oh,IthinkIjustmadeanillegalright-handturn.
Susie:Thatisokay,dad,thepolicemanbehindyoujustdidthesamething!
父亲：哎呀，我刚才违规右转弯了。
苏西：没事，爸，跟在你后面的警察也这么转了。
6)LittleRobertaskedhismotherfortowcents.”WhatdidyoudowiththemoneyIgaveyouyesterday?”
“Igaveittoapooroldwoman,”heanswered.
“You’eragoodboy,”saidthemotherproudly.”Herearetowcentsmore.Butwhyareyousointerestedintheoldwoman?”
“Sheistheonewhosellsthecandy.”
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆。”他回答说。“你真是一个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说.“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
7)Ivancamehomewithabloodynoseandhismotherasked,”Whathappened?”
“Akidbitme,”repliedIvan.
“Wouldyourecognizehimifyousewhimagain?”askedhismother.
“I’dknowhimanywhere,”saidIvan.”Ihavehisearinmypocket.”
伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”
“一个男孩咬了我一口。”伊凡说。
“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。
“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说，“他的耳朵还在我的衣兜里。”
8)Twobirds
Teacher:Herearetwobirds,oneisaswallow,theotherissparrow.Nowwhocantelluswhichiswhich?
Student:IcannotpointoutbutIknowtheanswer.
Teacher:Pleasetellus.
Student:Theswallowisbesidethesparrowandthesparrowisbesidetheswallow.
两只鸟
老师：这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
另附：
Lifeafterdeath
死后重生
"Doyoubelieveinlifeafterdeath?"thebossaskedoneofhisemployees.
"Yes,Sir."thenewrecruitreplied."Well,then,thatmakeseverythingjustfine,"thebosswenton."Afteryouleftearlyyesterdaytogotoyourgrandmother'sfuneral,shestoppedintoseeyou.
“你相信人能死后重生吗？”老板问他的一个员工。
“我相信，先生”。这位刚上班不久的员工回答。
“哦，那还好”。老板接着说。
“你昨天提早下班去参加你祖母的葬礼后，她老人家到这儿看你来了。”
Talkingclock
会说话的钟
Whileproudlyshowingoffhisnewapartmenttofriends,acollegestudentledthewayintotheden."Whatisthebigbrassgongandhammerfor?"oneofhisfriendsasked."Thatisthetalkingclock,"themanreplied."How'sitwork?"
"Watch,"themansaidandproceededtogivethegonganearshatteringpoundwiththehammer.Suddenly,someonescreamedfromtheothersideofthewall,"Knockitoff,youidiot!It'stwoo'clockinthemorning!"
一个学生带他朋友们参观他的新公寓，甚是得意。“那个大铜锣和锤子是干什么用的？”他的一个朋友问他。“那玩意儿厉害了，那是一个会说话的钟”，学生回答。“这钟怎么工作的”，他的朋友问。“看着，别眨眼了”，那学生走上前一把操起铜锣和锤子，拼命地敲了一下，声音震耳欲聋。突然，他们听到隔壁墙那边有人狂叫，“别敲了，你这白痴！现在是凌晨两点钟了！”