求英文的脑筋急转弯和笑话,不用太难,要解析。
笑话：
Onceuponatime,astupidguywenttothedoctor's.
"What'sthematterwithyou",askedthedoctor.
"Ihavebeenbrokenall!",saidthefool.
"Brokenall,what'sitmean?",thedoctorwassurprised.
Then,thefoolpointedtohisheadandsaid:"Ouch!Thereissomethingwrongwithmyhead."afterthat,hepointedtohisbackandsaid:"ouch,mybackhurt."then,hetouchhisnoseandsaid:"ouch,mynosehurt"……
Thedoctorthoughtawhileandsaid:"youhaveabadfinger"
从前，有个傻瓜去看医生。那医生问他有什么病。那傻瓜说他全身伤了。那医生很疑惑。接着，那傻瓜用手指着头说：“很痛，我的头伤了。”接着，有指着背，鼻子，说它们都伤了。
那医生想了一会儿，说：“你的手指伤了。”
AmangoestochurchandstartstalkingtoGod.Hesays:"God,whatisamilliondollarstoyou?"andGodsays:"Apenny",thenthemansays:"God,whatisamillionyearstoyou?"andGodsays:"asecond",thenthemansays:"God,canIhaveapenny?"andGodsays"Inasecond"
一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊,一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"那一百万年呢?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟."
Fourbestfriendsmetatthehospitalsincetheirwivesweregivingbirthstotheirbabies.Thenursecomesuptothefirstmanandsays,"Congratulations,yougottwins."Themansaid"Howstrange,I'mthemanagerofMinnesotaTwins."Afterawhilethenursecomesuptothesecondmanandsays,"Congratulations,yougottriplets."Manwaslike"Hmmm,strangeIworkedasadirectorforthe"3musketeers."Finally,thenursecomesuptothethirdmanandsays
"Congratulations,yougottwinsx2."Manishappyandsays,"Ironic,Iworkforthehotel"4Seasons."Allthreeofthemarehappyuntiltheyseetheirlastbuddyjumpingallovertheplace,cursingGodandbanginghisheadonthewall.Theyaskedhimwhat'swrongandheanswered,"What'swrong?Iworkfor7up"!
四个好朋友在医院里碰面了,他们的妻子正在生产.护士过来对第一个男人说:"恭喜,你得了双胞胎."男人说:"多奇怪呀,我是明尼苏达双子队的经理."过了一会儿,护士过来对第二个男人说:"恭喜,你得了三胞胎."男人很喜欢:"嗯,又巧了.我是3M公司的董事."最后,护士跑来对第三个男人说:"恭喜,你得了2对双胞胎."男人很开心地说:"真令人啼笑皆非,我为四季宾馆工作."他们三个都很高兴,但第四个伙伴急得像热锅上的蚂蚁,咒骂上帝并用头撞墙.他们问他有什么不对劲,他回答道:"什么不对劲?我可是在七喜公司工作呀!"
呵呵,一个比一个效率高.
OsamaBinLaden,aCanadian,andPresidentBushwerewalkingdownthestreetwhentheysawagoldenlamp.Theyrubbeditandageniecameoutandsaid,"Iwillgranteachoneawishthat’s3together."TheCanadiansaid,"IamafatherandmysonwillbeafarmersoIwantthesoilinCanadatobeforeverfertile."Thegeniesaidthemagicwordsandthewishcametrue.OsamalookedamazedsohewishedforawallaroundAfghanistanthegeniesaidthemagicwordsandagainthewishcametrue.PresidentBushsaid"Genie,tellmemoreaboutthiswall,"thegeniesaid,”It’s50feetthickand500feettallsonothingcangetinandnothingcangetout."PresidentBushsaid,”Wow!That’sabigbridge...Fillitwithwater!!!
拉登,一加拿大人还有布什总统走在大街上看到一盏金色的灯.他们擦了擦灯出现了一个精灵.精灵说:"我要满足你们每人一个愿望总共三个."加拿大人说:"我是个父亲我儿子将成为农夫,因此我想让加拿大的土地永远肥沃."精灵说了咒语愿望实现了.拉登看了很惊奇,他希望有座城墙围绕阿富汗.精灵又说了咒语愿望又实现了.布什总统问:"精灵请告诉我关于这座墙的事情."精灵回答:"墙厚50英尺,高500英尺,因而里面的任何东西出不来外面的任何东西进不去."布什总统说:"哇!那是座大桥耶...注满水!!!"
MyBabySwallowedaBullet
YoungMother:"Doctor,mybabyswallowdabullet.WhatshallIdo?
Doctor:"Don'tpointhimatanybody."
年轻的妈妈说：“医生，我孩子吞下一颗子弹，我该怎么办？”
医生说：“不要让他指着任何人。”
Notes
1.toswallowabullet:吞下一颗子弹
2.topointat:对...瞄准
allybaby
Oncetwohunterswenthuntingintheforest.Oneofthemsuddenlyfelldownbyaccident.Heshowedthewhitesofhiseyesandseemedtohaveceasedbreathing.Theotherhuntersoontookouthismobilephonetocalltheemergencycenterforhelp.Theoperatorsaidcalmly:"First,youshouldmakesurethatheisalreadydead."Thentheoperatorheardagunshotfromtheotherendofthephoneandnextheheardthehunterasking:"WhatshouldIdonext?"
两个猎人进森林里打猎，其中一个猎人不慎跌倒，两眼翻白，似已停止呼吸。另一个猎人赶紧拿出手机拨通紧急求助电话。接线员沉着地说：“第一步，要先确定你的朋友已经死亡。”于是，接线员在电话里听到一声枪响，然后听到那猎人接着问：“第二步怎办？”
fool_fox
标题：I'mtheboss
内容：Thebosswascomplaininginourstaffmeetingtheotherdaythathewasn'tgettinganyrespect.Laterthatmorninghewenttoalocalcardandnoveltyshopandboughtasmallsignthatread,"I'mtheBoss".Hethentapedittohisofficedoor.Laterthatdaywhenhereturnedfromlunch,hefoundthatsomeonehadtapedanotetothesignthatsaid."Yourwifecalled,shewantshersignback!"
note:staffmeeting:员工会议
Wife'spicture
Abusinessmanentersatavern,sitsdownatthebar,andordersadoublemartiniontherocks.
Afterhefinishesthedrink,hepeeksinsidehisshirtpocket,thenheordersthebartendertoprepareanotherdoublemartini.Afterhefinishesthatone,heagainpeeksinsidehisshirtpocketandordersthebartendertobringanotherdoublemartini.
Thebartendersays,"Look,buddy,I'llbringyoumartinisallnightlong.Butyougototellmewhyyoulookinsideyourshirtpocketbeforeyouorderarefill."
Thecustomerreplies,"I'mpeekingataphotoofmywife.Whenshestartstolookgood,thenIknowit'stimetogohome."
note:tavern酒馆,客栈
martini马提尼酒
peek/pi;k/n.一瞥,匆忙看过v.偷看
英文脑筋急转弯：1.Q:Whatfruitisneverfoundsingly?
A:Apear.
pear梨，音似pair一对
2.Q:Whyisthebrideunhappyonherweddingday?
A:Becauseshedidn’tmarrythebestman.
bride新娘bridegroom新郎bestman男傧相；最好的男人bridesmaid女傧相
3.Q:Whattimemustitbewhentheescapedhungrywolfatethepaymaster?
A:8p.m.
8p.m.音似atep.m.,而p.m.是paymaster的缩写。paymaster（发放薪饷的）出纳员
4.Q:Whatwillyoubreakonceyousayit?
A:Silence.
breakthesilence打破沉默
5.Q:Whatkindofclotheslaststhelongest?
A:Underwear,becauseit’sneverwornout.
wornout穿坏，磨损；穿在外面
6.Q:Whyarefarmerscruel?
A:Theypullcornsbytheears.
ear耳朵；一穗（玉米）
pullcornsbytheears一穗一穗地掰玉米；揪着玉米耳朵掰玉米
7.Q:Whyarebabieslikehinges?
A:Becausetheyarethingstoadore.
adore喜爱，音似adoor
thingstoadoor门上的东西
8.Q:Ifadriverdrivestoofasthe’llgetaticket.Whatwillhappentoapoetif
hewritestoofast?
A:Hispoeticlicencewillbetakenaway.
poeticlicence诗的破格（如不遵从语法规则等）
9.Q:Whyisanemptypursealwaysthesame?
A:Thereisnochangeinit.
change零钱；变化
10.Q:Whydolittlebirdsinthenestagreewitheachother?
A:Becausetheywouldfalloutiftheydidn’t.
fallout摔出去；争吵
11.Q:Whyisanargumentlikeapen?
A:Nogoodwithoutapoint.
point尖，顶端；论点，要点
12.Q:Whenwillthewindimproveitsimage?
A:Whenitturnsoveranewleaf.
turnoveranewleaf的真正涵义是：改过自新
13.Q:WhyislearningEnglishlikealightgentlewindtoasmartstudent?
A:It’sabreezetothem.
breeze微风，和风；轻而易举的事
14.Q:Whathasfourwheelsandflies?
A:Agarbagetruck.
Whathasfourwheelsandflies?另一种理解是：什么东西既有四个轮子又有许多苍蝇？
15.Q:What’sevenhardertocatchifyourunfaster?
A:Yourbreath.
catchone’sbreath恢复正常呼吸（尤指剧烈运动后）
16.Q:Whattimeisitwhenamanischasedbytendogs?
A:It’stenafterone.
17.Q:Howcanyoutellaclockisshy?
A:Ithasitshandsoveritsface.
18.Q:Whydoestimefly?
A:Togetawayfromallthosewhoaretryingtokillit.
killtime消磨时间
19.Q:Whydoesaninvisiblemantendtogocrazy?
A:Outofsight,outofmind.
outofsight,outofmind眼不见为净
20.Q:Wherecanadoggetanothertail?
A:Ataretailstore.
前缀re-表示“再一次”，“又……”。
21.Q:Whydocarpentersthinkthere’snosuchthingasgoldinthisworld?
A:Theyneversawit.
saw锯，也是see的过去式，seeingisbelieving眼见为实
22.Q:Whydoyouthinkdoctorsaremean?
A:Everythingtheytreatmetheymakemepayforit.
treat请客；治疗
mean小气，吝啬
23.Q:WhatdoyouthinkoftheGrandCanyon?
A:Justgorges.
gorges是gorge(峡谷）的复数形式，音似gorgeous，宜人的，好的，美丽的
Justgorgeous!太棒了！太美了！
24.Q:Howdoyoupunctuatethefollowingsentence?
A:Makeadashafterit.
makeadashafterit另一种理解是：冲上去拿呀
25.Q:Howdoyouknowaphotographerisalwaysprogressive?
A:Theyarealwaysdeveloping.
develop发展；冲（胶卷）
德国人评选出的世界十大笑话,戳中你的笑点了么
Jokes:笑话
Classicjokes:经典笑话
笑话的种类有哪些？
Cleanjokes:“干净的”文明的笑话
Dirtyjokes:黄色笑话
很多笑话的逻辑都是：
Pun:一语双关
Playonwords:文字游戏
冷笑话和cold没关系：
Badjokes:不好的、无趣的笑话
Ajokefallsflat:很冷，很平的笑话
笑话好不好，关键看：
Punchline:笑点
经典笑话大串联
你能不能get到笑点？
#1.Whydidthechickencrosstheroad?
鸡为什么要过马路？
A:Togettotheotherside.
因为要去另一边。
笑点：出乎意料的没有点就是它的笑点吧。好冷。
#2.Whyisthedoctorsoangry?
为什么医生那么生气？
A:Becausehehasnopatience.
因为他没有耐心呀。
笑点：耐心=patience，病人=patient一语双关
#3.Whatdoyoucallanalligatorinavest?
鳄鱼穿了背心会变成什么？
A:AnInvestigator.
调查员
笑点：这个点在读音，investigator=invest+alligator
#4.Didyouhearabouttheracebetweenthelettuceandthetomato?
你听说了吗生菜和番茄比赛了赛跑？
A:Thelettucewasa"head"andthetomatowastryingto"ketchup"!
生菜领先了，番茄变成了番茄酱（迎头赶上）！
笑点：谐音，ketchup（番茄酱）听起来和“catchup”很像。一语双关。
#5.Whycan'tyougiveElsaaballoon?
你为什么不能给Elsa（《冰雪奇缘》女主角）气球？
A:BecauseshewillLetitgo.
因为她会让气球跑掉。
笑点：《冰雪奇缘》的主题曲就是“Letitgo”。小朋友一定能知道这个梗。
#6.Whatdoyoucallacomputerthatsings?
会唱歌的电脑叫什么？
A:A-Dell
Adele
笑点：ADell（一台戴尔电脑）和著名歌手Adele也是谐音。
#7.Whatdoyougetfromapamperedcow?
一头被宠坏的奶牛会给你些什么？
A:Spoiledmilk.
坏掉的牛奶。
笑点：Spoil做动词是“宠溺”，spoiled做形容词也有变质的意思。一语双关。
#8.WhatdoyoucallabeethatlivesinAmerica?
住在美国的蜜蜂叫啥？
A:USB
笑点：美国是U.S.U.S.+bee=USB
#9.Whydidthepicturegotojail?
为什么照片会被关在监狱里？
A:Becauseitwasframed.
因为它被陷害（相框框住）了。
笑点：frame做名词是相框，做动词是陷害。相片配相框当然就是被陷害了。
#10.Whatdolawyersweartocourt?
律师穿什么去法庭？
A:Lawsuits!
笑点：lawsuit原义是法律诉讼，不过分开来law+suit就像是法律西装。
#11.Whatkindofjokesdoyoumakeintheshower?
洗澡的时候你会说什么笑话？
A:CleanJokes!
干净的笑话（不带色情、暴力的文明笑话）
笑点：洗洗更干净，可不就是cleanjokes嘛。
谐音笑话(20字)
请采纳我的问题
1、一个女生前一天晚上得到男朋友的订婚戒指，但竟没有一个同学注意到，令她忿忿不平。到下午大家坐着谈天的时候，她突然站起来大声说：“哎呀，这里真热呀，我看我还是把戒指脱下来吧。”2、女主人把女佣叫到面前问她：“你是否怀孕了？”“是啊！”女佣回道。“亏你还说得出口，你还没有结婚，难道不觉得害羞吗？”女主人再次训。“我为什么要害羞，女主人你自己不也怀孕了吗？”“可是我怀的是我丈夫的！”女主人生气地反驳。“我也是啊！”女佣高兴地附和。3、一个人骑摩托车喜欢反穿衣服，就是把口子在后面扣上，可以挡风。一天他酒后驾驶，翻了，一头栽在路旁。警察赶到：警察甲：好严重的车祸。警察乙：是啊，脑袋都撞到后面去了。警察甲：嗯，还有呼吸，我们帮他把头转回来吧。警察乙：好.....一、二使劲，转回来了。警察甲：嗯，没有呼吸了.......4、在一条七拐八拐的乡村公路上，因为时常发生车祸，所以常常有一些鬼故事发生，有一天晚上，有一个出租车司机看见路边有一个长发披肩，身着白衣的女人向他招手，因为这个司机没有见过鬼，所以大胆的停下来让她上车了，这一路上,司机虽然不信有鬼，心里也毛毛的，所以时常从后视镜看后面的女人，开着开着，突然司机发现那个女人不见了！司机吓了一大跳，赶紧踩了一个刹车！只见那个女人满脸是血，表情狰狞。司机吓的牙直打颤。突然那女人开口了：“你会不会开车啊！我低头系个鞋带你突然一刹车我把鼻子都撞破了……”5、一个病人去看病，医生检查了他，皱着眉头说：“您病得太严重了，恐怕不会活多久了。”病人：“求您告诉我我还能活多久？”医生：“十……”病人着急地问：“十什么？十年？？十个月？？？十天？？？？？”医生：“十，九，八，七，六，五……”6、老师：“你能说一些18世纪科学家共同特点吗？”学生：“能，他们都死了。”7、犀粪蜣和蚊子谈恋爱，蜣问蚊子是做什么工作的，蚊子说：“护士，打针的。”蜣一拍大腿：“缘分呐，我是中药局搓药丸的…”8、一非洲人住在某一宾馆。夜半，起火，不明原因。非洲人见状顾不了那么许多，光着身子就跑出去了。消防员见状惊呼：“我的妈呀！都烧的糊了吧区的了还能跑那么快！”9、一个人想出国考察，但必须得到老总批准。于是他向老总请示，老总给了他一张字条，上面写着：“Goahead”。那人想：“Goahead=前进，老总是批准了。”于是他开始打点行李。一个同事见到了他问：“你在做什啊？？”他说：“我准备出国考察，老总批准了，给我写了‘Goahead’。”同事一见条就乐了：“咱们老总根本就没批准！！咱老总的英语水平你还不知道，他这是在说去个头！”10、牧师对买了他马和马车的农夫说：“这匹马只能听懂教会的语言，叫"感谢上帝"它就跑;叫"赞美上帝"它才停下。”农夫将信将疑，他试着喊了一声感谢上帝，那匹马立刻飞奔起来，越跑越快。一只跑到悬崖边上惊恐的农夫才想起让它停下来的口令“赞美上帝”。果然，马停下来了。死里逃生的农夫长出一口气：“感谢上帝………”
我打了很久，请采纳
1thenightbefore,agirlgetboyfriendengagementring,butnoonenoticedtheclassmate,makeherantics.Yousitandchatintheafternoon,shesuddenlystoodupandshouted:\"oh,it'sreallyhotinhere,IthinkI'dbettertakeoffyourring.\"2,themistresscalledthemaidtoaskher:\"areyoupregnant?\"\"Yes!\"Themaidanswered.Export\"kuiyoustillsay,youarenotmarried,don'tyoufeelshy?\"Thehostesstrainingagain.\"WhyshouldIbeshy,youdon'tthehostessalsopregnant?\"\"ButIconceiveismyhusband!\"Thehostessretortedangrily.\"Metoo!\"Themaidhappytoecho.3,amanridingamotorcyclelikethedress,istocutontheback,canthewind.Drunkdrivingoneday,heturnedover,aplantedontheroad.Police:policea:agoodseriouscaraccident.Policemanb:yes,hisheadhittheback.Po1:well,stillbreathing,let'shelphimturnhisheadback.Po2:good...One,two,turnback.Policemana:well,notbreathing...4,turninacurvycountryroad,becauseofteninacaraccident,sooftenhavesomeghoststory,onenight,there'sataxidriversawthesideoftheroadhavealonghairshawls,dressedinawhitewomanwavedtohim,becausethedriverdidn'tseeaghost,soboldstoppedtolethergetonthebus,alongtheway,thedriverdoesn'tbelieveinghosts,theinthemindalsomaomao,sooftenthewomanbehindtherearviewmirrortosee,openopen,thedriverfoundthewomansuddenlydisappeared!Thedriverstartled,hurriedlysteppedonabrake!Isawthewomanfaceisblood,grimexpression.Thedriverfrightenofteethchatter.Suddenlythewomanspoke:\"wouldyoudrive!Ibowtofastenshoelacesareyousmashedthroughasuddenbrakemynose...\"5,apatienttoseeadoctor,thedoctorexaminedhim,frowningsaid:\"youtooseriousill,I'mafraidIwon'tlivemuchlonger.\"Patient:\"pleasetellmehowlongwillIlive?\"Doctor:\"ten...\"Patientanxiouslyasked:\"what?Tenyears??Tenmonths???Tendays?????\"Doctor:\"ten,nine,eight,seven,six,five...\"6,teacher:\"canyousaysome18th-centuryscientistscommoncharacteristics?\"Student:\"yes,theyarealldead.\"7,rhinopoopQiangandmosquitofallinlove,Qiangaskedamosquitoistodowhatwork,themosquitosaid:\"nurse,giveortakeaninjection.\"Qiangaclapathigh:\"thefate,IamatraditionalChinesemedicinebureaurubpills...\"8,theafricansliveinahotel.Inthemidnight,afire,unknownreason.Beforerushingsomanyafricans,nakedandranout.Firefighterssaidexclaimed:\"mymamaah!Allpastetheburnedareacanrunsofast!\"9,apersonwantstogoabroad,butitmustbeapprovedbyboss.Sohetothemanagerforinstructions,thebossgavehimanote,itread:\"Goahead\".Themanthought,\"Goahead=progress,bossisapproved.\"Sohestartedtopacking.Acolleaguetoseeheasked:\"whatareyoudoing?\"Hesaid:\"I'mreadytoGoabroadinvestigation,bossapproved,wroteme'Goahead'.\"Colleagueofjoyatthesightofarticle:\"let'sbosshaven'tapproved!!!!!OurbossEnglishdon'tyouknow,heissaidtohead!\"10,prieststobuyhishorseandcarriageofthefarmersaid,\"thishorsecanonlyunderstandthelanguageofthechurch,call\"thankgod\"itran;called\"praisegod\"itdidn'tstop.\"Farmertrack,hetriedtothankgodgaveacry,thehorsegallop,immediatelyranfasterandfaster.Aruntotheedgeoftheclifffrightenedfarmerrememberedthatletitstoppassword\"praisegod\".Sureenough,thehorsestopped.Closethefarmergrowsasigh:\"thankgod.........\"
Iplayedforalongtime,please