我想要几则十分搞笑的英文笑话
GoodBoy
LittleRobertaskedhismotherfortwocents."WhatdidyoudowiththemoneyIgaveyouyesterday?"
"Igaveittoapooroldwoman,"heanswered.
"You'reagoodboy,"saidthemotherproudly."Herearetwocentsmore.Butwhyareyousointerestedintheoldwoman?"
"Sheistheonewhosellsthecandy."
好孩子
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。“你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
NestandHair
Mysister,aprimaryschoolteacher,wasinformedbyoneofherpupilsthatabirdhadbuiltitsnestinthetreeoutsidetheclassroom.
"Whatkindofbird?"mysisterasked.
"Ididn'tseethebird,ma'am,onlythenest,"repliedthechild.
"Then,canyougiveusadescriptionofthenest?"mysisterencouragedher.
"Well,ma'am,itjustresemblesyourhair."
Notes:
(1)informv.告诉
(2)nestn.窝；巢
(3)descriptionn.描述
(4)encouragev.鼓励
(5)resemblev.相似；类似
18.鸟窝与头发
我姐姐是一位小学老师。一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外的树上垒了个窝。
“是什么鸟呢？”我姐姐问她。
“我没看到鸟儿，老师，只看到鸟窝。”那孩子回答说。
“那么，你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗？”我姐姐鼓励她道。
“哦，老师，就像你的头发一样。”
I'veJustBittenMyTongue
"Arewepoisonous?"theyoungsnakeaskedhismother.
"Yes,dear,"shereplied-"Whydoyouask?"
"CauseI'vejustbittenmytongue!"
Notes:
(1)poisonousadj.有毒的
(2)CauseI'vejustbittenmytongue因为我刚咬了自己的舌头。句中Cause是Because的缩略形式。
我刚咬破自己的舌头
“我们有毒吗？”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。
“是的，亲爱的，”她回答说，“你问这个干什么？”
“因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。”
AWomanWhoFell
ItwasrushhourandIwasdashingtoatraininNewYorkCity'sGrandCentralTerminal-AsInearedthegate,aplump,middle-agedwomansprintedupfrombehind,lostherfootingonthesmoothmarblefloorandslidontoherback.Hermomentumcarriedherclosetomyshoes.BeforeIcouldhelpher,however,shehadscrambledup.Gaininghercomposure,shewinkedatmeandsaid,"Doyoualwayshavebeautifulwomenfailingatyourfeet?"
摔倒的女人
上下班高峰期，我匆匆奔向纽约豪华中心站去赶一趟火车。接近门口，一位肥胖的中年妇女从后面冲过来，没想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了脚，仰面滑倒了。她的惯性使她接近了我的脚。我正准备扶她，她却自己爬了起来。她镇定了一下，对我挤了一下眉，说道：“总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗？”
英语笑话（一）
Q:What'sthedifferencebetweenamonkeyandaflea?
A:Amonkeycanhavefleas,butafleacan'thavemonkeys.
猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧？
Q:Howcanyoumostirritateafarmer?
A:Bytreadingonhiscorn?
如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定会生气的；而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼，他会更生气。Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”，也有“鸡眼”的意思。
Q:Whichisthestrongestcreatureintheworld?
A:Thesnail.Itcarriesitshouseonitsback.
因为snail（蜗牛）的后背上总是背着一所房子，所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。你说呢？
Q:Whatdopeopledoinaclockfactory?
A:Theymakefacesallday.
一看到makefaces这个短语，你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀！因为除了这个意思以外，它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。
Q:Howdoyoustopasleepwalkerfromwalkinginhissleep?
A:Keephimawake.
怎样才能不让梦游者（sleepwalker）梦游（walkinhissleep）呢？最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。虽然这不是治疗方法，但如果让梦游者醒着呢，他的确就不会去梦游了。
英语笑话（二）
Heisreallysomebody
--Myunclehas1000menunderhim.
--Heisreallysomebody.Whatdoeshedo?
--Amaintenancemaninacemetery.
他真是一个大人物
--我叔叔下面有1000个人。
--他真是一个大人物。干什么的？
--墓地守墓人。
英语笑话（三）
NotlongafteranoldChinesewomancamebacktoChinafromhervisittoherdaughterintheStates,shewenttoacitybanktodeposittheUSdollarsherdaughtergaveher.Atthebankcounter,theclerkcheckedeachnotecarefullytoseeifthemoneywasreal.Itmadetheoldladyoutofpatience.
Atlastshecouldnotholdanymore,uttering."Trustme,Sir,andtrustthemoney.TheyarerealUSdollars.TheyaredirectlyfromAmerica."
它们是从美国直接带来的
一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。
这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。”
英语笑话（四）mylittledogcan'tread
Mrs.Brown:Oh,mydear,Ihavelostmypreciouslittledog!
Mrs.Smith:Butyoumustputanadvertisementinthepapers!
Mrs.Brown:It'snouse,mylittledogcan'tread.
我的狗不识字
布朗夫人：哦，
亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！
史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！
布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”
英语笑话（五）Bringmethewinner
--Waiter,thislobsterhasonlyoneclaw.
--I'msorry,sir.Itmusthavebeeninafight.
--Well,bringmethewinnerthen.
给我那个打赢的吧
--服务员，
这个龙虾只有一只爪。
--对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。
--哦，那给我那个打赢的吧。
英语笑话（六）Themeanman'sparty.
Thenotoriouscheapskatefinallydecidedtohaveaparty.Explainingtoafriendhowtofindhisapartment,hesaid,"Comeupto5Mandringthedoorbellwithyourelbow.Whenthedooropen,pushwithyourfoot."
"Whyusemyelbowandfoot?"
"Well,gosh,"wasthereply,"You'renotcomingempty-hangded,areyou?"
吝啬鬼请客
一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。”
“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？”
“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。
英语笑话（七）Advicefor"Kid"
Abitofadviceforthoseabouttoretire.Ifyouareonly65,nevermovetoaretirementcommunity.Everybodyelseisntheir70s,80s,or90s.Sowhensomethinghastobemoved,liftedorloaded,theyyell,"Getthekid."
忠告“年轻者”
这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。如果你只有65岁的话，
千万别进退休社区。因为那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西，抬东西或者装东西时，他们就叫喊，“让小的干吧。”
英语笑话（八）Whichwoman?
OneeveningIdrovemyhusband'scartotheshoppingmall.
Onmyreturn,Inoticedthathowdustytheoutsideofhiscarwasandcleaneditupabit.WhenIfinallyenteredthehouse,Icalledout."Thewomanwholovesyouthemostintheworldjustcleanedyourheadlightsandwindshield."
Myhusbandlookedupandsaid,"Mom'shere?"
哪一位女人？
一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物，回来后发现车身沾满灰尘，于是擦洗了一阵。当我终于走进屋里时大声喊：“世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃。”
我丈夫抬头看了看，说：“妈妈来了？”
英语笑话（九）Thedoctorlivesdownstairs
"Doctor,"shesaidloudly,bouncingintotheroom,"Iwantyoutosayfranklywhat'swrongwithme."
Hesurveyedherfromheadtofoot."Madam,"hesaidatlength,"I'vejustthreethingstotellyou.First,yourweightwantsreducingbynearlyfiftypounds.Second,yourbeautycouldbeimprovedifyouusedaboutonetenthasmuchrougeandlipstick.Andthird,I'manartist---thedoctorlivesdownstairs."
医生住在楼下
“医生”她冲进屋后大声说道。
“我想让你坦率地说我到底得了什么病。”
他从头到脚打量打量她，然后大声说：“太太，我有三件事要对你说。第一，您的体重需要减少大约50磅；第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口红，您的美貌将会改变。第三，我是一位画家——医生住在楼下。”
英语笑话（十）OneEngineLeft
A747washalfwayacrosstheAtlanticwhenthecaptaingotontheloudspeaker,"Attention,passengers.Wehavelostoneofourengines,butwecancertainlyreachLondonwiththethreewehaveleft.Unfortunately,wewillarriveanhourlateasaresult."
Shortlythereafter,thepassengersheardthecaptain'svoiceagain,"Guesswhat,folks.Wejustlostourthirdengine,butpleasebeassuredwecanflywithonlyone.WewillnowarriveinLondonthreehourslate."
Atthispoint,onepassengerbecamefurious."ForPete'ssake,"heshouted,"Ifweloseanotherengine,we'llbeuphereallnight!"
只剩一个引擎
一架747客机正在跨越大西洋时，喇叭里传来了机长的声音：“旅客们请注意，我们的四个引擎中有一个丢失了。但剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的。只是我们要因此晚到一小时。”过了一会儿，旅客们又听到机长的声音：“各位，你们猜怎么啦？我们刚又掉了第三个引擎。但请你们相信好了。只有一个引擎我们也能飞，但要晚三个小时了。”正在这时，一位乘客非常气愤地说：“看在上帝的份上，如果我们再掉一个引擎，我们就要整夜都要呆在天上了。”
回答者：lovemydream-高级经理七级7-510:08
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评论者：YABNV-魔法学徒一级
其他回答共2条
LogicReasoning逻辑推理
Afourth-gradeteacherwasgivingherpupilsalessononlogic.
"Hereisthesituation,"shesaid."amanisstandingupinaboatinthemiddleofariver,fishing.Heloseshisbalance,fallsin,andbeginssplashingandyellin
gforhelp.Hiswifehearsthecommotion,knowsthathecan'tswim,andrunsdowntothebank.Whydoyouthinksherantothebank?"
Agirlraisedherhandandasked,"todrawoutallofhissavings?"
逻辑推理
小学四年级的教师正在给学生们上一堂逻辑课。她举了这么一个例子：“有这样一种情况，一个男人在河中心的船上钓鱼，突然失去重心掉进了水里。于是他开始挣扎并喊救命。他的妻子听到了他的喊声，知道他并不会游泳，所以她就急忙跑向河岸。谁能告诉我这是为什么？”一个女生举手答道，“是不是去取他的存款？”
[注]bank在英语中除了我们平时很熟悉的“银行”之外，还有“河岸”的意思。
HaveYouCeasedBeatingYourWife？你停止打你老婆了吗?
Thisstoryistoldofabrowbeatingcounsel，whohabituallyendeavoredtoterrorizehisopponent‘switnesses．
Onewitnessrathertendedtoprefacehisreplieswithlengthyexplanations．
“Iwant‘yes’or‘no，’”thunderedcounsel．“Thereisnoneedforyoutoarguethepoint！”
“Buttherearesomequestionswhichcannotbeansweredby‘yes’or‘no，’”mildlyrespondedthewitness．
“Therearenot！”snappedthelawyer．
“Oh，”saidthewitness，“answerthisthen：“Haveyouceasedbeatingyourwife？”
这个故事讲的是一个咄咄逼人的辩护律师，他惯于尽量去恐吓对方的证人。
有一个证人有点倾向于在回答问题之前做冗长的解释。
“我要你回答‘是’或者‘不是’，”辩护律师怒喝道：“你没有必要就这个问题进行争论。”
“可是有些问题无法用‘是’或者‘不是’来回答。”这位证人温和地回敬他。
“不存在这样的问题！”律师厉声打断他。
“噢，”证人说：“那么请你回答这个问题：“你停止打你老婆了吗？”
TwoBirds
Teacher:Herearetwobirds,oneisaswallow,theotherissparrow.Nowwhocantelluswhichiswhich?
Student:IcannotpointoutbutIknowtheanswer.
Teacher:Pleasetellus.
Student:Theswallowisbesidethesparrowandthesparrowisbesidetheswallow.
两只鸟
老师：这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老师：请说说看。
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
"Canyoutellmewhatfishnetismade,Ann?"
"Alotoflittleholestiedtogetherwithstrings."repliedthelittlegirl.
鱼网
"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？"老师发问道。
"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。"小女孩回答道。
昨天夜里我爸妈表演“混合双打”
TeacherofPhysicalEducation:Haveyoueverseenmixeddoubles，boys？
体育老师：孩子们，你们见过男女混合双打吗？
Nick:Yes，sir.Quiteoften.Isawitevenlastnight.
尼克：见过，老师，经常见。就在昨天夜里我还见过呢！
Teacher:Pleasetellussomethingaboutit.
老师：那你给大家讲讲当时的情形吧。
Nick:Oh，sorry，sir.Myfatheralwayssays,"Domesticshameshouldnotbepublished.”
尼克：啊，对不起，老师。我爸爸常说:“家丑不可外扬。”(
1．wetwowhoandwho？
咱俩谁跟谁阿
2．howareyou?howoldareyou?
怎么是你，怎么老是你？
3．youhaveseedIwillgiveyousomecolortoseesee,brothers！togetherup！
你有种，我要给你点颜色瞧瞧，兄弟们，一起上！
4．asfarasyougotodie
有多远，死多远！！！！
5．helloeverybody!ifyouhavesomethingtosay,thensay!ifyouhavenothingtosay,gohome!!
有事起奏，无事退朝
6．youmeyoume
彼此彼此
7．YouGiveMeStop!!
你给我站住！
8．knowisknownoknowisnoknow
知之为知之，不知为不知…
9．WATCHSISTER
表妹
10．dragonborndragon,chickenbornchicken,mouse’’soncanmakehole!!龙生龙，凤生凤，老鼠的儿子会打洞！
11.．Igiveyoufaceyoudon’twannaface,youloseyouface,Iturnmyface
给你脸你不要脸，你丢脸，我翻脸
12．onecarcomeonecargo,twocarpengpeng,peopledie
(车祸现场描述)
13．heartflowerangryopen
心花怒放
14．gopastnomistakepast
走过路过，不要错过
15．小明：Iamsorry!
老外：Iamsorrytoo!
小明：Iamsorrythree!
老外：Whatareyousorryfor?
小明：Iamsorryfive!
16．Ifyouwantmoney,Ihaveno;ifyouwantlife,Ihaveone!
要钱没有，要命一条
17．IcallLioldbig.toyear25.
我叫李老大，今年25。
18．youhavetwodownson
你有两下子。
19.好好学习，天天向上：
goodgoodstudy,daydayup!
20.peoplemountainpeoplesea!
人山人海。
关于超级搞笑的英文笑话
笑话作为一种城市化的民间口头创作体裁,是一种重要的交际手段。在俄罗斯文化中,笑话一直都具有无法替代的特殊意义。我分享，希望可以帮助大家!
：DOWNADEEPHOLE
Twoguysarewalkingdownaroadwhentheyeacrossadeepholebesideit.Beingcurious,theygooverandcheckitout.Whentheylookdown,theyaresurprisedtofindtheycan'tseethebottom.Sotheydropacoupleofrocksdowntheholeandlisten...Nothing.Oneofthemsays,"Man,that'sadeephole!"
Thinkingtheymighthearsomethinglargerhitthebottom,theyfindabig,oldcinderblockandpitchitovertheside.Thepauseandlistenintently...Theyhearasound,butitisingfrombehindthem!Theyquicklyturnaroundtoseeagoatbearingdownonthemwithitheadlowered,flyingalong,itsfeetbarelytouchingtheground,itsmovingsofast!
Thetwomendiveoutofitswayjustintimeandthegoatplungespastthem,intotheseeminglybottomlesshole,toitsdoom.Thetwolookateachotherandsay,"Boythatwasclose!We'dbettergetawayfromthisthingbeforeweendupwiththegoat!".
Sotheycontinueontheirwaydowntheroaduntiltheyhappenacrossthisfarmerworkingnearit.Themenagainputtheirheadstogetherandfigurethatthegoatbelongstothefarmerandthedecidetotellhimwhathappened.
"HeyMr.Farmer.Doyouhappentoownagoat?",oneofthemenasked.
Thefarmerreplies,"Yeah,whydoyouask?"
Thementhentellwhathappenedattheholeandhowtheynarrowlyavoideddeathintheholefromthespeedinggoat.
Thefarmersaid,"Wellboys,Idon'tthinkthatwasmygoat.Yousee,mygoatisreallyoldandcrippledupwitharthritis.Thereisnowayhecouldhavebeenmovingthatfast.Besides,Ihavehimtiedtoabig,oldcinderblock."
：PurposeoftheDog
ASundaySchoolhelperwasdeliveringastationwagonfullofkidshomeonedaywhenafiretruckzoomedpast.SittinginthefrontseatofthefiretruckwasaDalmatiandog.Thechildrenbegandiscussingthedog'sduties.
"Theyusehimtokeepcrowdsback,"saidoneyoungster.
"No,"saidanother,"he'sjustforgoodluck."
Athirdchildbroughttheargumenttoaclose."Theyusethedogs,"shesaidfirmly,"tofindthefirehydrant."
：ICantLetHimGetAway
Amalecrab***螃蟹***metafemalecrabandaskedhertomarryhim.Shenoticedthathewaswalkingstraightinsteadofsideways.Wow,shethought,thiscrabisreallyspecial.Ican'tlethimgetaway.Sotheygotmarriedimmediately.
Thenextdayshenoticedhernewhu***andwakingsidewayslikealltheothercrabs,andgotupset."Whathappened?"sheasked."Youusedtowalkstraightbeforeweweremarried."
"Oh,honey,"hereplied,"Ican'tdrinkthatmucheveryday.
不能让他跑了
一只雄蟹遇到一只雌蟹，便要娶她为妻。她注意到他走路是直著走，而不是横著走。哇!她想，这只雄蟹可真特别，我可不能让他跑了。因此他们立刻结婚了。
第二天，她又发现她的新郎像其他蟹一样横著走路了。她深感不安。“你怎么了?”她问，“我们结婚前你可是直著走路的。”
“哦，宝贝，”他回答说，“我不可能每天都喝那么多。”
：Apreacherisbuyingaparrot
Areyousureitdoesntscream,yell,orswear?askedthepreacher.
Ohabsolutely.Itsareligiousparrot,thestorekeeperassureshim.
Doyouseethosestringsonhislegs?Whenyoupulltherightone,herecitesthelordsprayer,andwhenyoupullontheleftherecitesthe23rdPsalm.
Wonderful!saysthepreacher,butwhathappensifyoupullbothstrings?
Ifalloffmyperch,youstupidfool!screechedtheparrot.
一个传教士在买鹦鹉
“你确信它不会尖叫，大叫或诅咒别人吗?”传教士问。
“哦，绝对不会。它是一只虔诚的鹦鹉。”店主保证说。
“你看见它腿上的这些细绳了吗?当你拉动右面的这根，它会背诵天主经，当你拉动左面的那根，它会背诵赞美诗”
“太棒了!”传教士说，“但是如果我同时拉动两条绳子，会发生什么呢?”
“我会从树干上掉下去的，你这个笨蛋!”鹦鹉尖声说道。
：DeadKitty
OncetherewasamannamedJim,wholethisdogouttorelievehimselflateonenight.HewatchedsomeTV,andthenrememberedtoletthedogbackin.Whenheopenedthedoor,hewasshockedatwhathesaw!Inhisdog'smouthwashisneighbor'scat,dead!"Baddog!BADDOG!",saidthepanickedman.
Hetookthecatawayandlookedatit.Hecouldn'tbringhimselftotellhisneighborwhathappened,sohedecidedtocleanitupandleaveitontheneighbour'sporch.Hetookthecatintothebathroomandwashedoffallthebloodanddirt.
Ittookhimforever.Hehadtowashitfourtimestogetitallcleaned.Hebrushedit'sbeautifulwhitefurasheblowdriedit,andputit'scollarbackon.Sinceitwassodark,hesnuckintotheneighbor'syard,andlaidthecatdownontheporch,infrontofthedoor.
Thenextday,hewasonhiswaytothecartogotoworkandhisneighborwasoutside.
"Hi,"hesaid."Hi,"repliedJim,nervously.Hisneighborsaid,"somethingweirdhappenedlastnight."
"Ohyeah?What'sthat,"askedJim,sweatingnow.
"Well,mycatdiedyesterday,andweburiedhim,andthismorninghewaslyingonmyfrontporch!"
关于超级搞笑英文笑话精选
民间笑话是一种根植于日常生活的美学形态。笑话产生于日常生活语境之中,以消遣和娱乐为目的,由普通民众创造、表演和欣赏。本文是关于超级搞笑英文笑话，希望对大家有帮助!
关于超级搞笑英文笑话：TheGreatestBaseballPlayerEverAmanwalksintoabarwithadog.Thebartendersays,"Youcan'tbringthatdoginhere."
"Youdon'tunderstand,"saystheman."Thisisnoregulardog,hecantalk."
"Listen,pal,"saysthebartender."Ifthatdogcantalk,I'llgiveyouahundredbucks."
Themanputsthedogonastool,andaskshim,"What'sontopofahouse?"
"Roof!"
"Right.Andwhat'sontheoutsideofatree?"
"Bark!"
"Andwho'sthegreatestbaseballplayerofalltime?"
"Ruth!"
"Iguessyou'veheardenough,"saystheman."I'lltakethehundredintwenties."
Thebartenderisfurious."Listen,pal,"hesays,"getoutofherebeforeIbeltyou."
Assoonasthey'reonthestreet,thedogturnstothemanandsays,"DoyouthinkIshouldhavesaid'DiMaggio'?"
关于超级搞笑英文笑话：IWantToSuckYourBloodDraculadecidestocarrysomesortofacompetitiontoseewhichisthefinestbattostandonhisside.Therulesweresimple.Thebatwhodrinksthemostbloodwouldbethewinter.Heselectshisthreetopbatstocompete.
Sothefirstbatgoesandcomesbackafter10minutes.Hermouthwasfullofblood.Draculasays:"Congratulations,howdidyoudothat?"Thebatsaid:"Doyouseethattower?Behinditthereisahouse.Iwentinandsuckedthebloodofallthefamily."
"Verygood,"saysDracula.
Thesecondbatgoesandcomesbackafter5minutesallherfacecoveredinblood.Draculaastonishedsays,"Howdidyoudothat?"Thebatreplies,"Doyouseethattower?Behinditthereisaschool.Iwentinanddrunkthebloodofallthechildren."
"Impressive,"Draculareplies.
Nowthethirdbatgoesandcomesbackafterthreeminutesliterallycoveredinbloodfromtoptotoe.
Draculaisstunned."Howonearthdidyoudothat????"heasked.
Andthebatreplies."Doyouseethattower?"
Draculareplies,"Yes."
Andthebatsays,"Well,Ididn't."
关于超级搞笑英文笑话：TalkingDogForSaleAguyisdrivingaroundthebackwoodsofTennesseeandheseesasigninfrontofabrokendownshanty-stylehouse:"TalkingDogForSale."
Heringsthebellandtheownerappearsandtellshimthedogisinthebackyard.TheguygoesintothebackyardandseesanicelookingLabradorretrieversittingthere."Youtalk?"heasks."
Yep,"theLabreplies.
Aftertheguyrecoversfromtheshockofhearingadogtalk,hesays"So,what'syourstory?"TheLablooksupandsays,"Well,IdiscoveredthatIcouldtalkwhenIwasprettyyoung.Iwantedtohelpthegovernment,soItoldtheCIA.Innotimeatalltheyhadmejettingfromcountrytocountry,sittinginroomswithspiesandworldleaders;becausenoonefiguredadogwouldbeeaves-dropping.Iwasoneoftheirmostvaluablespiesforeightyearsrunning."
"Butthejettingaroundreallytiredmeout,andIknewIwasn'tgettinganyyoungersoIdecidedtosettledown.Isignedupforajobattheairporttodosomeundercoversecurity,wanderingnearsuspiciouscharactersandlisteningin.Iuncoveredsomeincredibledealingsandwasawardedabatchofmedals.Igotmarried,hadamessofpuppies,andnowI'mjustretired."
Theguyisamazed.Hegoesbackinandaskstheownerwhathewantsforthedog."Tendollars,"theguysays"Tendollars?Thisdogisamazing!Whyonearthareyousellinghimsocheap?"
"Becausehe'saliar.Heneverdidanyofthatstuff."
关于超级搞笑英文笑话：ThreeDogNightThreehandsomemaledogsarewalkingdownthestreetwhentheyseeabeautiful,enticing,femalepoodle.Thethreemaledogsfallalloverthemselvesinanefforttobetheonetoreachherfirst,butenduparrivinginfrontofheratthesametime.Themalesarespeechlessbeforeherbeauty,slobberingonthemselvesandhopingforjustaglancefromherinreturn.
Awareofhercharmsandherobviouseffectonthethreesuitors,shedecidestobekindandtellsthem"Thefirstonewhocanusethewords"liver"and"cheese"togetherinanimaginative,intelligentsentencecangooutwithme."
Thesturdy,muscularblackLabspeaksupquicklyandsays"Iloveliverandcheese."
"Oh,howchildish,"saidthePoodle."Thatshowsnoimaginationorintelligencewhatsoever."
Sheturnedtothetall,shinyGoldenRetrieverandsaid,"Howwellcanyoudo?""Ummmm...IHATEliverandcheese,"blurtstheGoldenRetriever.
"My,my,"saidthePoodle."Iguessit'shopeless.That'sjustasdumbastheLab'ssentence."
Shethenturnstothelastofthethreedogsandsays,"Howaboutyou,littleguy?"
Thelastofthethree,tinyinstaturebutbiginfameandfinesse,istheTacoBellchihuahua.Hegivesherasmile,aslywink,turnstotheGoldenRetrieverandtheLabandsays...
关于超级搞笑英文笑话：TalkingDogForSaleAguyisdrivingaroundthebackwoodsofTennesseeandheseesasigninfrontofabrokendownshanty-stylehouse:"TalkingDogForSale."
Heringsthebellandtheownerappearsandtellshimthedogisinthebackyard.TheguygoesintothebackyardandseesanicelookingLabradorretrieversittingthere."Youtalk?"heasks."
Yep,"theLabreplies.
Aftertheguyrecoversfromtheshockofhearingadogtalk,hesays"So,what'syourstory?"TheLablooksupandsays,"Well,IdiscoveredthatIcouldtalkwhenIwasprettyyoung.Iwantedtohelpthegovernment,soItoldtheCIA.Innotimeatalltheyhadmejettingfromcountrytocountry,sittinginroomswithspiesandworldleaders;becausenoonefiguredadogwouldbeeaves-dropping.Iwasoneoftheirmostvaluablespiesforeightyearsrunning."
"Butthejettingaroundreallytiredmeout,andIknewIwasn'tgettinganyyoungersoIdecidedtosettledown.Isignedupforajobattheairporttodosomeundercoversecurity,wanderingnearsuspiciouscharactersandlisteningin.Iuncoveredsomeincredibledealingsandwasawardedabatchofmedals.Igotmarried,hadamessofpuppies,andnowI'mjustretired."
Theguyisamazed.Hegoesbackinandaskstheownerwhathewantsforthedog."Tendollars,"theguysays"Tendollars?Thisdogisamazing!Whyonearthareyousellinghimsocheap?"
"Becausehe'saliar.Heneverdidanyofthatstuff."