有趣的英文笑话带翻译
英语笑话是现代社会发展最快的一种口头文学体裁,它体现了某一民族行为中最深刻的和潜意识中的观点。我精心收集了，供大家欣赏学习!
：Iwantanightmare真想做个噩梦
Beforethefinalexamination,Tomtoldhismother,"Mom,IhadadreamlastnightthatI'dpassedtoday'sexam."
"Don'ttrustdreams,dear.Itissaidwhatyouexperienceindreamsusuallyturnsouttobetheopposite."Motherreplied.
"ThenIdohopeI'llfailtheothersubjectsinmydreamtonight,"Tomsaid.
在期末考试之前，汤姆告诉他的母亲：“妈妈，我昨天晚上做了一个梦，梦见我通过了今天的考试。”
“不要相信梦，亲爱的。据说梦中的经历通常与现实相反。”妈妈答道。
“那么，我真希望在今晚的梦中，我的其他功课都不及格。”汤姆说。
：WhenwasRomebuilt
Teacher:WhenwasRomebuilt?Tom:Atnight.Teacher:Whotoldyouthat?Tom:Youdid.YousaidRomewasn'tbuiltinaday.
：Wateryourflowerseveryday
"Flowersneedwater,"saidtheteacher."Wateryourflowerseveryday,orthey'lldie."
OnemorningMothersawMarryoutinthegardenandasked,"Whatareyoudoingthere,Marry?"
"Wateringflowers,"saidMarry.
"Butitisrainingnow!"
"Oh,itdoesn'tmatter.Mum."
“花需要水，”老师说，“每天给花浇水，否则他们会死掉的”。
一天早上，母亲看到玛丽在花园，就问：“玛丽，你在干吗?”
“我在给花浇水。”玛丽回答。
“可是在下雨啊!”
“哦，没事妈妈。”
：Don'targuewiththechildren
Alittlegirlwastalkingtoherteacheraboutwhales.
Theteachersaiditwasphysicallyimpossibleforawhaletoswallowahumanbecause,eventhoughitwasaverylargemammal,itsthroatwasvery***all.
ThelittlegirlstatedthatJonahwasswallowedbyawhale.
Irritated,theteacherreiteratedthatawhalecouldnotswallowahuman,itwasphysicallyimpossible.
Thelittlegirlsaid,"Well,whenIgettoHeaven,IwillaskJonah."
Theteacherasked,sarcastically,"WhatifJonahwenttoHell?"
Thelittlegirlreplied,"Thenyouaskhim."
一个小女孩和她的老师在说鲸鱼。
老师说，鲸鱼不可能吞了一个人，因为，即使这是一个非常大的哺乳动物，它的喉咙是非常小。
小女孩说，约拿被一条鲸鱼吞噬。
老师恼火的重申鲸鱼不能吞下一个人身体是不可能的。
小女孩说，"好吧，当我到达天堂，我会问约拿"。
老师问，反讥道："什么，如果约拿到地狱呢"?
小女孩回答说："那你问他"。
：ARithmeticLesson
Alittleboybustled***喧闹，忙乱***intoagroceryonedaywithamemorandum***便笺***inhishand.
″Hello,Mr.Smith,″Hesaid,″Iwantthirteenpoundsofcoffeeat33cents.″
″Verygood,″saidthegrocer,andhenoteddownthesale.
″Anythingelse,Charlie?″
″Yes.Twenty-sevenpoundsofsugarat9cents.″
″Theloaf?Andwhatelse?″
″Sevenandahalfpoundsofbaconat30cents.″
″Thatwillbeagoodbrand.Goon.″
″Fivepoundsofteaat90cents,elevenandahalfquartsofmolassesat8centsapint,twoeight-poundhamsat31cents,andfivedozenjarsofpickledwalnuts***核桃***at34centsajar.″
Thegrocermadeoutthebill.
″It'sabigorder,″hesaid.″Didyourmothertellyoutopayforit?″
″Mymother,″saidtheboy,ashepocketedtheneatandaccuratebill,″hasnothingtodowiththisbusiness.Itismyarithmetic***算术***lessonandIhadtogetitdonesomehow.″
一天，一个小男孩匆匆忙忙地走进了一家杂货店，手里拿着一张清单。
“史密斯先生，你好，”他说道：“3毛3分钱一磅的咖啡，请给我13磅。”
“好的，”杂货店老板马上把这笔生意记了下来。
“还要别的什么，查理?”
“要的。再要27磅糖，9分钱一磅的。”
“面包要不要?还要什么?”“7磅半咸肉，3毛钱一磅的。”
“这肉是名牌的呢，还有呢?”
“9毛钱一磅的茶叶，给我5磅，8分钱一品脱的糖浆要11夸脱半，3毛1分钱一磅的8磅的大火腿要两只，3毛4分钱一罐的腌核桃要5打。”
杂货店老板把账单算了出来。“你买了很多东西，”他说：“你妈妈叫你现在把钱付清吗?”
小男孩一面把那清楚准确的账单放进口袋，一面说：“这和我妈没关系，这是我自己的算术作业,我总得想办法把它做出来!”
经典有趣的英语笑话
经典有趣的英语笑话
导语：幽默的人不仅仅会说笑话，还要懂得他人说的笑话，这里我收集整理了经典有趣的英语笑话，来测试一下你的幽默细胞的指数有多高吧!
1GoethewasoncestrollingonanarrowpathinaparkinWeimar.
Asluckwouldhaveit,hemetwithacriticwhowashostiletohim.
Bothofthemstopped,staringateachother.
Thenthecriticsaid,"I'llnevermakewayforafool."
"ButIwill,"withthatGoetheretreatedaside.
一次，歌德正在魏玛一个公园的.一条狭窄小道上散步。
碰巧他遇见一个对他怀有敌意的评论家。
两人都停了下来，彼此相互对视。接着评论家说道：“我从来不给傻瓜让路。”
“可我给。”说完歌德退到了一边。
2?Afterbeingwithherallevening,themancouldn'ttakeanotherminutewithhisblinddate.
Earlier,hehadsecretlyarrangedtohaveafriendcallhimtothephonesohewouldhaveanexcusetoleave.
Whenhereturnedtothetable,heloweredhiseyes,putonagrimexpressionandsaid,
"Ihavesomebadnews.Mygrandfatherjustdied.
""Thankheavens,"hisdatereplied."Ifyourshadn't,minewouldhavehadto!"
和相亲对象呆了一晚上后，男人再也受不了了。
他事先安排了个朋友给他打电话，这样他就能借故先离开了。
当他回到桌边，他垂下眼睛，装出一副阴沉的表情，说：“有个不幸的消息，我的祖父刚刚去世了。”
“谢天谢地!”他的约会对象说，“如果你的祖父不死，我的祖父就得死了!”
3Aworkerwhowasbeingpaidbytheweekapproachedhisemployerandhelduphislastpaycheck.
Thisistwohundreddollarslessthanweagreedon,hesaid.
Iknow,theemployersaid.
ButlastweekIoverpaidyoutwohundreddollars,andyounevercomplained.
Well,Idon'tmindanoccasionalmistake,theworkeranswered,butwhenitgetstobeahabit,IfeelIhavetocallittoyourattention.
一个拿周薪的工人找到雇主，拿出上周的工资单，“比我们商量好的少了200美元，”他说。
“我知道，”雇主说，“但上星期我们多付了你200美元，也没听你抱怨。”
“好了，我并不介意偶尔犯错误，”工人回答，“但如果成了习惯，我觉得必须提起你的注意。”
4Anavalofficerfelloverboard.Hewasrescuedbyadeckhand.
Theofficeraskedhowhecouldrewardhim.
"Thebestway,sir,"saidthedeckhand,"istosaynothingaboutit.
IftheotherfellowsknowI'dpulledyouout,they'dchuckmein."
一名海军军官从甲板上掉入海中。他被一名甲板水手救起。这位军官问如何才能酬谢他。“最好的办法，长官，”这名水手说，“是别声张这事。如果其他人知道我救了您，他们会把我扔下去的。”
5Twolittleboyswantedtoaskafavoroftheirmother.
"Youaskher,"saidPaul,ageten.
"No,"saidRoy,agenine,"Youaskher,youhaveknownherlongerthanIhave."
两个小男孩想找他们的母亲帮忙。
“你去找她。”十岁的保罗说。
“不，”九岁的罗伊说，“你去，你比我更早认识她。”
6ItwasChristmasandthejudgewasinabenevolentmoodashequestionedtheprisoner.
"Whatareyouchargedwith?"heasked.
"Doingmychristmasshoppingearly,"repliedthedefendant.
"That'snooffense,"repliedthejudge,"Howearlywereyoudoingthisshopping?"
"Beforethestoreopened,"counteredtheprisoner.
那天是圣诞节，法官在审讯犯人时也有点恻隐之心。“你为什么而被起诉?”他问。
“采购圣诞节物品过早。”被告答。
“这不算犯法，”法官回答，“你购物多早?”
在商店开门之前，“犯人应道。
;关于有趣的英语笑话精选
民间笑话是一种颇受人们喜爱的民间叙事型别,材料丰富,有广泛的现实基础。我精心收集了关于有趣的英语笑话，供大家欣赏学习!
关于有趣的英语笑话篇1
GatesofHeaven
Aguyarrivesatthepearlygates,waitingtobeadmitted.St.PeterisreadingthroughtheBigBooktoseeiftheguy'snameiswritteninit.Afterseveralminutes,St.Peterclosesthebook,furrowshisbrow,andsays,"I'msorry,Idon'tseeyournamewrittenintheBook."
"Howcurrentisyourcopy?"heasks.
"Igetadownloadeverytenminutes,"St.Peterreplies,"whydoyouask?"
"I'membarrassedtoadmitit,butIwasalwaysthestubborntype.ItwasnotuntilmydeathwasimmanentthatIcriedouttoGod,somynameprobablyhasn'tarrivedtoyourcopyyet."
"I'mgladtohearthat,"Petesays,"butwhilewe'rewaitingfortheupdatetoethrough,cantellmeaboutareallygooddeedthatyoudidinyourlife?"
Theguysthinksforamomentandsays,"Humm,welltherewasthisonetimewhenIwasdrivin'downaroadandIsawagiantgroupofbikergangmembersharassingthispoorgirl.Isloweddown,andsureenough,theretheywere,about20of'emtorturingthispoorwoman.Infuriated,Igotoutmycar,grabbedatireironoutofmytrunk,andwalkeduptotheleaderofthegang.Hewasahugeguy;6-foot-4,260pounds,withastuddedleatherjacketandachainrunningfromhisnosetohisears.AsIwalkeduptotheleader,thebikersformedacirclearoundmeandtoldmetogetlostorI'dbenext.
"SoIrippedtheleader'schainoutofhisfaceand***ashedhimovertheheadwiththetireiron.ThenIturnedaroundandyelledtotherestofthem,"Leavethispoorinnocentgirlalone!You'reallabunchofSICK,derangedanimals!GohomebeforeIreallyteachyoualessoninPAIN!"
St.Peter,dulyimpressed,says"Wow!Whendidthishappen?"
"Aboutthreeminutesago."
关于有趣的英语笑话篇2
HappySinner
Uponenteringtheconfessional,ayoungwomenspilledthebeans,admitting:"Lastnightmyboyfriendmademadpassionatelovetome--seventimes."
Thepriestthoughtlongandhard,thensaid,"Takesevenlemonsandsqueezethemintoaglass,thendrinkit."
Theyoungwomanasked,"Willthiscleansemeofmysins?"
Thepriestsaid,"No,butitwillwipethe***ileoffyourface."
关于有趣的英语笑话篇3
AReligiousBear?
Inthemiddleofaforest,therewasahunterwhowassuddenlyconfrontedbyahuge,meanbear.Inhisfear,allattemptstoshootthebearwereunsuccessful.Finally,heturnedandranasfastashecould.
Thehunterranandranandran,untilheendedupattheedgeofaverysteepcliff.Hishopesweredim.Seeingnowayoutofhispredicament,andwiththebearclosinginratherquickly,thehuntergotdownonhisknees,openedhisarms,andexclaimed,"DearGod!Pleasegivethisbearsomereligion!"
Theskiesdarkenedandtherewaslightningintheair.Justafewfeetshortofthehunter,thebearcametoanabruptstop,andglancedaround,somewhatconfused.
Suddenly,thebearlookedupintotheskyandsaid,"Thankyou,God,forthefoodI'mabouttoreceive...."
关于有趣的英语笑话篇4
YouGetWhatYouPrayFor
Thisladyapproachesapriestandtellshim,"Father,Ihaveaproblem.Ihavethesetwotalkingfemaleparrots,buttheyonlyknowhowtosayonething.""Theyonlyknowhowtosay,'Hi,we'reprostitutes.Doyouwanttohavesomefun?'"
"That'sterrible!"thepriestexclaimed,"butIhaveasolutiontoyourproblem.BringyourtwotalkingfemaleparrotsovertomyhouseandIwillputthemwithmytwomaletalkingparrotswhoItaughttoprayandreadthebible.MyparrotswillteachyourparrotstostopsayingthatterriblephraseandyourfemaleparrotswilllearntopraiseandworshiptheLord."
"Thankyou!"thewomanresponded.
Sothenextday,theladybringsherfemaleparrotstothepriest'shouse.Thepriest'stwomaleparrotsareholdingrosarybeadsandprayingintheircage.
Theladyputsherfemaleparrotsinwiththemaleparrotsandthefemaleparrotssay,"Hi,weareprostitutes.Doyouwanttohavesomefun?"
Onemaleparrotlooksoverattheothermaleparrotandexclaims,"Putthebeadsaway.Ourprayershavebeenanswered!"
关于有趣的英语笑话篇5
FOURCATHOLICLADIES
FourCatholicladiesarehavingcoffeetogether.Thefirstonetellsherfriends,"Mysonisapriest.Whenhewalksintoaroom,everyonecallshim'Father'."
ThesecondCatholicwomanchirps,"MysonisaBishop.Wheneverhewalksintoaroom,peoplesay,'YourGrace'."
ThethirdCatholicwomansays***ugly,"MysonisaCardinal.Wheneverhewalksintoaroom,peoplesay,'YourEminence'."
ThefourthCatholicwomansipshercoffeeinsilence.Thefirstthreewomengiveherthissubtle"Well.....?"
Shereplies,"Mysonisagorgeous,6'2",hardbodiedstripper.Whenhewalksintoaroom,peoplesay,'OhmyGod...'."